mike1304k
18-03-2009, 02:55 PM
Hi Guys.. Found this in another forum so if you have seen this before just click away lah hor..
Women
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.
Economy
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
building standing. It's called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now
being called Wal Mart Street.
3. The difference between a pigeon and a investment broker ... The
pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las
Vegas and an investment broker? A tie.
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left
side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be reading this -- if
you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam.
Don't fall for it.
7. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my
checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether
that refers to mine or the bank's.
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS :
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Hope you like it
Women
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.
Economy
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
building standing. It's called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now
being called Wal Mart Street.
3. The difference between a pigeon and a investment broker ... The
pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las
Vegas and an investment broker? A tie.
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left
side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be reading this -- if
you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam.
Don't fall for it.
7. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my
checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether
that refers to mine or the bank's.
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS :
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Hope you like it