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netrot
13-03-2010, 09:58 AM
Dear all.. we been reading all abt this woman "attacking" jack for his misdeed.. well there a real reason being all this...( p.s .. this is soley for laugh only)

It goes one day after wrapped up his latest flim and went home dead tired..
he told his wife...

jack : i am tired of making flims !!! ppl expect me to make CNY flim every year.. where to get inspiration ?!!!

wife : than u dont make flim .. what can we earn from living beside ur air con endosment??

jack: hmm.... i want to make something bigger than flimimg .. i want the whole world to know me & spore !!

wife : what u had in mind ??!!

jack : i want to form a all woman football team for our country!!

wife : what !! why ??

jack : if i succeed and bring back a asia cup.. maybe i can be promoted to acting minster for sport...

wife : but how do we go around getting these things done ??

jack: dear.. u will always love me rite ? support me on my every decision rite ?

wife : yes lor :(

alacrity
13-03-2010, 10:11 AM
Good start. Please carry on.

netrot
13-03-2010, 10:13 AM
jack : actually...:D i had something to tell u and need ur "blessing'

wife : what ?:eek:

jack : u will be the boss of the football club and i will be the coach and the driver and the guardian of the woman football club

wife : why u !!:mad:

jack : cos i am the " gifted one " .. i will personally hand picked the best striker, defender, goalkeeper,midfield.. maybe i may need to " import" forigener talent in my team... i will also need doctor, admin and phsiyo

wife : that will cost us a lot of money and how r u going to selectedd them ?

jack : oh.. i forget to informed u.. i recently purchased a alphard for this " mission" .. i will go around our country to scout for talent... if found one.. i will take her to "OCC" to see if she got the " stamina" for what position !! for the admin... aahem.. i will book a hotel and see how they work as a doctor or physio etc...

wife : cannot get other ppl to do this ??

jack: actually.. i forget to inform u.. i had this plan a long time ago...

wife ;what !!!

jack : after i scored four goal.. three daughter and i son ( if i am correct ).. i already knew i am the choosen one.. so i actually started to " interview" some admin and some defender....

wife.. u!!!

jack : admin staff interview is always easy.. but the player...sigh.. i had to see their "stamina" so every time go OCC .. i will use up my intensive selection and decision to choose the player.:p

LentorGarden
13-03-2010, 10:34 AM
Good one bro! Lol.

Rosicrucian
13-03-2010, 10:46 AM
Your style of story-telling very like Jack Neo.

JIU XING
13-03-2010, 10:58 AM
Your style of story-telling very like Jack Neo.

he is la :D :D thanks ts hor... funny funny funny kekekke:D

netrot
13-03-2010, 11:42 AM
cont..

Jack : actually.. miss Mo.. was once my top player...:p

wife : wtf!!:confused: she ur top player ?!!

jack : ehh.. her mouth big mah.... good for....:rolleyes: actually i mean she can use her mouth to shout at the player....!!

wife.. huh ? what postion she was given ?? u need to tell me more abt all this player postion in case 1 day kanan interview.. i cannot tell them i dont know anythin abt football ?!

jack : Miss mo postion is Goalkepper... she remind me of one legandry man u greatest goalkepper.... she can really " blow" opps i mean shout at the player la... but she choose to retire.. b4 i started to assemble the all " star" team

wife ; that her loss.... its okay ..poor baby.. better get u more tonics.. in case u spot some unearth quality...

jack : thanks dear,... oh btw can i try some youth player?? like 16.. like that will i unearth her.. she still " fresh" and can be trained till 21... wow.. she will have lots of sexperince by than,...

wife : OH.. is it necessary...??

jack : yes :D!! oh.. if i managed to find some talent players.. i may have to bring them for " oversea" expourse to let them have abetter undersstanding of what they expecteed from other ppl view okay ?? opps.. i forgot to inform u my phone bill will increase due to i will send my team to scout for talent.. they may sms me to tell me their where about...

wife : oh.. so ur hp bill will be high lor ??

jack : no choice la.. for our future ma... oh since u r the manager.. i will now " offically" find u in my detail for every interviews.. in case some player may come up to our office or house to create havoc..

wife ;huh ? what u mean ??

jack :some player i found starting may show me some great "moves" but after i sign them up.. their "performance" drop.. i cannot put them in my top "11" list so i need to put them sideline or maybe drop them to cold palace.. so if they come.. we must stand in 1 line and tell them our motton " we the neo family pledge ourselves as one united ppl "

wife ; okay..

jack : dear .. its very late now... u go sleep... tomorrow morning.. i will show u some talent i have scout so far... oh.. u got the final say abt the mangement team but i will have the final say on the player okay ?

wife : k. dear .. gd night....

The_Chef
13-03-2010, 01:06 PM
Haha! Great style of joke.

evolution
13-03-2010, 01:27 PM
haha, i like this. TS, pls carry on..

simple2kee
13-03-2010, 01:33 PM
good joke. thank you. :)

HotSpot881
13-03-2010, 05:42 PM
very nice decoy strategy

manhood
13-03-2010, 05:53 PM
man, this seems to be well-plotted :cool: nice

lasivious
13-03-2010, 05:58 PM
Two thumbs up. Very good. Singapore will not be void of talent after Jack Neo.

xue_yy
13-03-2010, 09:49 PM
nice one bro :D

Retnar
13-03-2010, 10:59 PM
Thanks TS i laughed until I fell off my chair.:D:)

griffon
14-03-2010, 07:40 AM
It's is indeed very good. Thanks.

netrot
14-03-2010, 08:42 PM
thanks for the bros who up my points... thanks a lot..
cont of the story....

As its was a sunday morning... jack & family went to chruch for service and than after that went for lunch.. but today lunch is special cos jack will for the ffirst time let her present wife know some truth...

Jack : dear u do know abt my late ex wife rite ??

wife : yes dear.. i know about ur past... why u suddenly bring this up ?!:eek:

jack : dear..( paused a while) "SOB SOB" its all my fault my own wrong doing.. sob sob..

wife : dear .. what happen... dont scared me la... why u cry ?!

jack : u know my ex wife died of kidney failur rite?

wife: yes.. y

jack : Actually.. its not the truth .. its because in my younger days.. i am damm " STRONG" ..so every nite.. i always give my ex wife a long maranthon..
till she cannot take it and collapsed...

wife: eh.. why u telling me this...

jack: cos when i see u and after a month we had our " first" session.. i was worried u will collapsed like her.. but luckily ur engine and horsepower is very good that why u can give me 4 kids ma....

wife: "blush" dont say this in public..

jack: okie.. i just want to tell u .. i am still vey strong as a ox...

wife : okie.. understood...

jack : oh.. there is some more.. recently i try to recurit a forgenier talent to our football team.. i have been sending sms to her.. but she keep on telling me now way she is coming over.. oh .. she is a french gal she is just 16... i can see she got " potenital" cos she can teach me " french" kiss / lesson..

wife : so what keeping her from coming over?

jack: cos she from french and she scared got laugange problem but i told her i will personally look after her and" take care" of her when she is in town.. actually i applied for her to come over for a short " stint"

simple2kee
14-03-2010, 09:03 PM
TS, good job! :D

netrot
14-03-2010, 09:22 PM
cont

wife : so did she came over ?

jack :no la.. her parents disagreed and i have to respect their decison.. actually there was another forgenier talent.. she is in spore already.. i almost got her as my " players" but something terrible happen...

wife : huh ? who ? what happen ??

jack : shh... this is a secret.. u know that guy who hit and run and went back to the country ? he was also my forgenier scout talent... he wanted to intro me a korean palyer.. he say she good in the " back" she can really make us wild... but she worried if she represent our country..her parents maybe kinapped into n korea..

wife : dear.. this gal we cannot employed her...or else we will get into deep shit...

jack : yeah i know.. if that things never happen... we will have a korean star under my team.. that would be so wonderful.. hmm.. just like MAN U got a korean .. i also have...

wife: dear .. u focuse too much on this all star woman football team.. what about ur movies?

jack : Oh.. since we r in this topic.. i may as well let u know...

wife : what ?!

jack: dear.. have u watch the movie beautiful boxer ?

wife : yes .. y ?

jack : cos i am going to make a flim call " singapore verison beautiful blower " i had been going to a massage svc provide by ah gua.. and i convice "her" to act in my new movies..

wife : so is all about thai boxing ?

jack : No.. is about how this ah gua from a desker road saved and blow all the way to a small shop in orchard road.. who knoow it miight get me an award again ?

wife : oh.. only this movies ??

jack : no la.. i am trying to get ah nam as a lead role for a movie...

wife :ah nam lead actor ? u sure ?!

Jack : yes la.. i will also act with mark...

wife : oh.. so what the movie going to call ?!

jack : ..this movies got 4 part.. i am still trying to get some lead actress.. the movie name in hongkong is call " young and dangerous".. their lead actor is erkin chen.. my movie will call " old & steady".. i will act as " chen hao nam " and mark will be my best buddy and ah nam my fighter... they story plot will be we control Gland and trying to make Gland very famous but Blastier ppl want a piece of our area.. so we must outdo them lor.. so i have to enrol my myself into govt svc to get rid of blastier ppl..

wife : wow.. this story line is good...looking forward to see it...

Jack : i also think so... but i dont want to go gland.. i will flim entirely at tiong baru hotel.. i feel safer cos If ppl see me in Gland with gals.. reporter will anyhow write... oh.. is so trining.. i have to source for all star women tean and also looking for female lead actress..

wife : poor baby...

jack : actually i already book a year long lease with the hotel cos is cheaper and more ever.. if my player failed to lived up my expection i can ask tem to go to the hotel room and give me a " dress down" better to do it privately than : dress them down" in the public rite?

wife: yeah lor..ladies need facce.. u cannot anyhow " dress ppl down" in public .. it so not nice.. guess u better do it in a quiet place..

jack : actually.. i dont like to give them a " dress down" but sometimes i very "hot" i need to " release" myself to them... luckily i was good in singing talent..

wife :why ?

jack : if not i will be so exhausted... morning.. i have to go OCC for Moring exercise with the " player" afternoon have to give those who failed to turn up in the moring gor exercise or failed my expection.. than night they have to sing to my "MIKE" and i have to test their voice control.. by the time i am done .. i will be so weak to drive... oh..that remind me of .. i think my aplhard brake pedal maybe faulty.. cos morning i keep jamming the brake when i had marathaon... better send in for a recall...
wife : i think u should.. safety first..
jack: yeah lor..i can rub rub here and clean clean there.. but brake thing better dont play later hit a tree like tiger wood..i will become famous...

DarthRevan
14-03-2010, 09:30 PM
I had a good laugh..thank you! :D

SammyHulk
14-03-2010, 09:53 PM
U sure got a flair in poking fun biz.:D Have u got a column in some local papers/websites?:p

battery
14-03-2010, 10:32 PM
haha....Maybe jack neo should read this, just to cheer himself up.

incarnate
15-03-2010, 12:33 AM
You got talent, bro. Keep it up.

cheekp
15-03-2010, 12:39 AM
Lol, this is fucking funny! Your imagination damn power la!

The_Chef
15-03-2010, 01:07 AM
This is going to be my favourite thread. Im seirous

Breadpig
15-03-2010, 01:28 AM
sorry to hijack your thread, just wanna share a joke also.

知道梁智强为什么有外遇吗?因为他的冷气广告都说了,“吸吸这里,插插哪里, 简单极了."

tyro
15-03-2010, 09:01 AM
As imaginative as Jack, If not more. Wonderful story.

sjb1994
15-03-2010, 10:59 AM
wow, TS, you make my day. cheers!!!

netrot
15-03-2010, 11:04 AM
thanks for the comments bros... i will try to keep writing the thread.. if i still can recall what jack has business venture with or what co he owe.. can really decode his really biz is.. can anybro give me some clue.. thanks:D

Few days pass.... nothing unusal happen...until jack sms sound...

wife: dear u got a sms

jack : thanks .. he see the sms and than frown his forehead...

wife :what happen dear.. why that look...

jack : sigh.. i am tasked to do a movie on singapore and promote...again!!

wife: is that good..? that ur trade mark...

jack : yes.. this time the production is very massive... and important... cos its something i never tired b4..

wife : huh ? something new ?

jack : yeah lor... they expected something different from my past product.. actually i have already the story line, but pls do noted its all about Artistic
Here goes.. ppl say spore very boring nothing to do after night..? well i intend to flim night safari where u got to see all the night life animals and at the end of the visit there a few bush there.. maybe the can " doggie" behind
the bush..after all its already night ma...

wife : dear.. this is too much ...

jack : dear .. dear.. i am bring my product to a new height.. have u seen any of ou local producer doing R(A) ?

wife : no...

jack :yeah lor.. than i will be the first lor.. it will show how interesting spore can be after night and also intro our night attraction..

wife : WILL IT WORK ?

jack : just listen to my story and than u tell me can or not??

wife : k

jack : after night safari..where u had a "doggie" session and u still havent seen enough of spore .. we can flim the flyer at night and the cycle is abt 40 min or less... we can try " blow ur mind off" when u reach the top.. should be fun ..after than.. we can go drangofly to chill out...

wife : just these 2 place ? bore la...

jack : no no.. after chill out at drangofly.. we can go IR for a few game..

wife: dear..we sporean have to pay...

jack : dear.. even we pay 100 to enter.. is better "we" pay 100 for 30 min or less... ha ha

wife :huh? what u mean...

jack : nvm.. as i was saying we go IR for a few game... well since this movies is about art.. the games will be different... we will have the HJ games..where everybody pay 100 -200 and chose my j team gals to HJ them.. the one who eject the fatest win the pot lor... and there is this big and small... well the ppl need to guess if my gals is big or small when they take off the bra lor...
there is also bbbj when the guys released everything .. the gals will spit out in the cup and we measure who got the most and win the pot $. there is also rouletee.. well for this the no will be all over the gal body.. for example 0 will be her mouth.. 2 will be her left breast and 3 right breast and so on.. if the ball land 0.. they winner can request french or BJ if landed below .:D

wife : like that can meh ? will they approved

jack : its a R(A) show ma... everytime ghost or murder or comdey ... i think my R(A) will go thru.. u forget i know yeo very well.. ha ha

wife : how u going to tell the kids..if they know u doing this kind of movies...

jack : just tell them i need to explore more ways to flim in spore or else we got " momey no enough" to spent and i also want to tell spore " i not stupid"

wife : okie..

netrot
15-03-2010, 11:18 AM
cont...

one morning after breakfast, jack wife cannot take it and ask jack..

wife : dear why do u buy this house in pasir ris ?

jack : huh ? what u mean ?

wife : this house ..!!

jack : cos pasir ris is very quite at night and the no to the house is nice...

wife :78 is nice ??

jack : yes.. 78 is nice ( 78 in hokkien mean ch** by* )

wife : okie..

jack : y u ask this ??

wife : my friend laugh at me lor...

jack : for this house ?

wife :no la this house and ur car no...

(p.s.... i am not giving u any toto or 4d to buy, if happen to strike prize.. dont give me the $ just up my points or power will do:D)

jack : my car no ?? u mean the mercedes no 51 and the hse no 78 = 5178
(translet meaning i love ch** by* )

wife : yeah lor and u the other car...

jack : huh..the other car no 94.. 7894 ( meaning ch** by* can already )

wife : yeah lor.. and also ur alphard..

jack : aplahrd 2918 u.. ( meaning 2 night one f** u )

wife : my friend all say this no very tiko no...

jack : they siao ma ... cos " that one no enough" they should just " follow the law" . anway go to go office...talk to u later.. bye..

Longitude
15-03-2010, 11:36 AM
Excellent! Worthy of an award.

Decartes
15-03-2010, 12:14 PM
I think Jack would be highly impressed by the way you are telling this story.

birdie8819
15-03-2010, 03:51 PM
NNKC you the goot man TS ..... me read liao almost fell off the chair . :p :D

tn_lengchai
15-03-2010, 04:05 PM
Wah... TS... U really make me salute you !

You also seem to know JN inside out. Always make fun of him ... right ????

The way you write really resemble someone...... Hahahah ..... Are you Mark Lee ??? ....... Hahhahhahahahaha...

incarnate
16-03-2010, 09:34 AM
Hahaha. Can't wait for you to come back.

freckles
16-03-2010, 09:36 AM
Have a good laugh, more please :)

netrot
17-03-2010, 09:18 AM
thanks for the support bros & sis....:p
i believe all samster had read about his new media and apology blog...( i forward a little bit cos this is more important now!!)

jack went homw to his wife smiling happily...

wife: dear.. why u in such high mood ??

jack : dear.. u r rite... u make the right move by making the apology blog and the new conference...

wife: shh.... dont let ppl heard this.. walls got ear.

jack : aiyah .. they forgive us already... and u already ask them to stop harssing and publicised our news... and ur " fainting" scence.. damm good...

wife: hello... i marry u for over 14 year.. never pick up a few acting skill from u ? how to be ur wife ?!.. like the saying goes.. marry a hen follow a hen.. so i marry a actor i must learn to act lor...

jack: yeah hor... anyway.. today lot of sponsor call me up...

wife: is it ? like who ?

jack : like ..Kokusai Since 1984. Catch Cheating Spouse. Private Investigators, Private Detectives, Singapore. (http://www.cheatingspouse.com.sg) , citibank, ocbc bank, acuve lens, toyota alphard, the window tint co..jam co and a record co...

wife : wow so many ?

jack: yes lor.. like Kokusai Since 1984. Catch Cheating Spouse. Private Investigators, Private Detectives, Singapore. (http://www.cheatingspouse.com.sg) - want to use my photos to adv their co ..2) citibank - solgan is "bank on the go - they want me to pose a nice "bang" position on the car. 3) ocbc bank want to replace their current ad..

wife: y ocbc want to change their current ad?

jack: if u do see ocbc bank ad is about a school boy kana dentention by teeacher and dad wait for him to leave school.. while waiting.. thee dad pay his parking time.? - i think the solgan is no time is wasted ? - rite?

wife : think so...so what they want to repalced with ?

jack : they want to repalce it with me in OCC carpark busy doing the "thing" and than pay the parking fines..:)

wife: wow.. such a hit lor..

jack: ha ha.. one sponsor quickly write me off.. other coming in now,,, 1 day acve lens want me to use their lens cos their solgan is " with acve lens.. ur eyesight will be better" meaning i can see better quailty lor..

wife: okie.. what abt toyota alphard ? and the window tint co?

jack: toyota alphard want me to be a share holder and be their spokeman for alphard.. solgan goes - i whack and whack .. the car space is so big and the suspension is so good u will never felt it moving.. the window tint co want to use me cos they want to say their tint is so dark " u cannot see what going on inside the car"

wife: ha ha.. now we r seeing money coming in...;)

netrot
17-03-2010, 09:40 AM
cont..

jack: the best part is a record co want to tie up with j team to form a band..
the band name is call " JAM " stand for J - jack , A - Ah nam , M - Mark . our hit song will be " go away go away " i will scream " go away " for solid 5 minutes and than ah nam will do the rap part.. " go away , go away, go away"
and mark will sing.. pls pls go away go away...

wife: like that also can ?

jack : they allow us to produce our own mv..I can see it will be a hit in 2 days time. cos our album will be give with every jam u buy.. and the woodland causeway on weekend where there is a huge " JAM" . even mrt want to do a mv from us..

wife: mrt ?

jack : yeah lor.. u know the ppl never give up the seat to the elder ppl or pergant ppl..so they want to use my voice to say " go away go away" if they still ignore ah nam will shout " go away go away " .. u think they ppl will still sit at that place? than mark will say.. see we ask u go away u dont want .. u deserve it...

wife : cool.. now we must really thanks the media and now who has the last laugh? "our money is more than enough" and "we r really not stupid at all"

jack: really must thanks wendy lor.. if not for her .. we wont be so famous.. actually she is so stupid.. i can really make her famous in spore and jb. she choose to distroted the truth..

wife: huh ? u mean she was lying.. dear we can sue her la..

jack :no need.. actually since the thing is over.. i let u know the truth.. u will feel better.. i wanted to make wendy a new 10 mini series.. its call " singapore ugly betty" . she dont like the idea of being ugly.. i told her its her brace that make her the lead actress but she doesnt want.. i told her anyone see her will get turn off.. but she wanted to prove me wrong.. so that how the car war started.. actually her "skill" made me soft... .

wife: yeah lor.. see her i know u got better taste... since u so frank.. why dont u tell me abt u and fiona xie??

jack : huh ? what fiona ? she no longer in spore.. i nothing to do with her..

wife :pls la.. i ur wife.. dont know what u really capable meh ? u forget she cannot be contact for a few days and she wasnt in spore so was U !!!

jack : eh.. hmm... actually i was telling her what "option" she has if she stay in spore and we dont want the co to think she is qutting to join my jteam.. so we go oversea to discuss this matters lor...

wife: FYI..this co u only own 10%.. i own 50 % ur 4 kids each own 10 % meaning.. we own 90 %.. but in spore i give u face .. so u got face to tell ppl u r sucessful.. u forget a saying " every successful man there is a woman behind ?!"

jack : i know.. i know

wife: if u caught with ur pants down again.. i will ask Mark to start another co and we will transfer 90 % of our fund to him... Do i make myslef clear...

halcyon
17-03-2010, 10:12 AM
Solid update. Keep it up, bro.