Toxic relationship
 

Hi.. I’m here to share of my experience in current relationship.

I have a gf for last 1 year plus and we have been many ups and downs. (Probably more downs than ups) isn’t it usual to have up and down in relationship as no one is perfect and getting to know each other in each and every way of their personality and characters.

We been through multiple occasions that we should be broken up but in the end we still manage to stay together. Reason like religion, perspective views, different way of doing things, etc. Even till the smallest issue can cause a break up and we often in argument. She will always intital a break up if things doesn’t goes her way. I will always try to save and hold on to the relationship. I believe it’s worth fighting for because good things doesn’t come easy. But I never want her to use break up to threaten our relationship.

This day, we were in a bus and she had a seat along the side of the bus that can be share with 4 people side by side. There’s a empty seat beside her and asked me to sit. I said it’s alright I can stand (because I don’t Want to squeeze with the Aunty beside and as a guy that I should give this seat to other commuter as it was a only less than 10 mins bus ride). She insisted I should sit and I refuse and she insisted 4 times till a lady took the seat.

She was angry and texted me let’s break up, why I don’t listen to her and always make her unhappy. I am just like her ex and she can feel it. I find it ridiculous because of this, she want to break up. I told her my point of view why but she think that purposely refuse to sit. Just want to make her unhappy. (She might be feeling I didn’t give her face when she ask me to sit like 4x)

We had a heated argument and she refuse to go home and don’t want to see me and it was quite late in the evening. (She staying at my place)
I apologise and try to coax her home as I don’t wish her to go out late at night alone. She say it’s her freedom to go anywhere she want and why should I listen to you since you don’t even listen to me.
I told her that I never force you anything and I try to compromise you but you many times choose not to listen to me.
She said I am an aloner and always do whatever I want and don’t listen to anybody. I was like wtf. Btw this kind of situation happen many times.

She left and I was sitting in the living room sofa, my parents overheard us and been asking what happen. She came back and want to take something and my mum ask her please talk it out and don’t stay out alone so late at night.
She blamed me for getting my parents involved as I didn’t do or say anything. Making her like a bad person.

I know many guys will say just break off with her etc but I know everyone has their issue and problem with some bad experience in the past. I have my issue too. I am here wonder any bro have similar situation before and you able to determine it’s a toxic relationship? and able to solve these problem?

I found this article
https://www.healthscopemag.com/healt...relationships/
Been reading through it and find many similar point to my situation.

Thanks for reading the long post and sorry for any bad grammar.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

If a girl hangs the words let's break up easily on her lips all the time, it's time to let go. Once or twice it's okay. But that many times?

A healthy relationship is one in which both parties help each other to grow better as a person. Not hold one or the other back due to some reasons. Are you staying because you are used to her being around or it's truly love. You think for yourself.

If she says breakup you will salvage the situation. If you say end it, will she? It will show the value this relationship is to her.

My two cents bro

Re: Toxic relationship
 

ts, from what u described, she is a baby with a princess/immature mentality, i guess her parents are the only ones who accept her fully. she throws tantrums and blackmails u to get her way.

what do u look for in a partner? u have to weigh the pros and cons of this r/s yourself

Re: Toxic relationship
 

A healthy relationship needs to have friendship, respect, and passion.

If you know something is lacking, tell her what you feel and see if she is willing to work on it.

Love is not a feeling. Love is action.

A person can't say that they love you unless they are willing to act on it.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

Agreed with Bro Randy.

Her actions is giving you some mental stress. Love required both parties to give and take, close one eye to other party shortcomings. She has to understand from your point of view too.

Ultimately the course of action is depends on both of you. I've seen bros suffering after marriage with similar behavior as your gf. They feel is a waste to let go of such long term r/s (maybe 5-10 yrs), so they going to suffer for the next 10, 20 or more years to go.

Its up to you. If you going to be with her, then you have to bear with her character. We can only lend a listen ear.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

I have been in your position before. I begged her to stay everytime. In the end we got married.

Then she started having affairs because she felt she made the wrong choice And she had sex with other men and justified it by saying I am CMI. We finally divorced several years later.

What did I lose...
1. 7 years of my life
2. Lost my job twice because of depression
3. Attempted suicide at least 2 times, the last one almost succeeded when I couldn't take it anymore.
4. >$60k in a divorce one lump sum. (Sum small because she was in an urgency to divorce)
5. Relationship with mother Broke down because of her. Regretted completely never had the chance to apologise to mother.
6. Met the right girl during my marriage but couldn't start a relationship with her. By the time i was divorced, she was already married.

If You think you can take these... it is up to you.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

TS, 20yrs ago, I was in yr shoes. She threatened to jump so I told her to make sure she dies. Don't smoke yourself, you deserve someone better unless she can make you cum within seconds... Otherwise, stop wasting yours as well as her time. Sorry if its trash but that's life. Make sure break clean... Good luck

Re: Toxic relationship
 

Thanks for all the bro feedback and sharing.
I am not alone in this as many bro been through it too and even much worst.
I have a Friend who MIA and deleted his Facebook, all because of her gf is very insecure and always suspecting he might having an affair. Nobody can contact him except her. HeÂ’s a salesperson and have many calls from clients. His gf will check every single call and screen through his phone. He delete fb just to avoid any unnecessary problem that he need to explain of all the relationships of his female Friends. Now heÂ’s married with her and had a baby. ItÂ’s doesnt get better but maybe worst as seem like heÂ’s the only one taking care of the baby. Any problem happen, he will get hell from his Wife for any doing his job well. But when she screw up itÂ’s normal human error. I know my Friend is mentally tough but one day he will break down. I can sense heÂ’s having a toxic relationship but he choose to stay and tolerate all of these. I donÂ’t understand, maybe his self esteem is Low and he canÂ’t get anyone better than her?

I have choose to break off with my gf as enough is enough. Going through “I want to break up”. Maybe as she said, we are not compatible and shouldn’t even start relationship at first place. I don’t have what she want (like attention and security and protection), she don’t have what I want to have a understanding gf.
She always want it and she will have it. I will not hold on to this relationship anymore. It’s mutual to build this relationship and not one way. I will not tolerate threat like break up. Threat like “you want to follow me, so I jump you will follow me?”

We talked and no conclusion, as we are accusing each other not loving each other and we done things for each other but both are not appreciated. Both of us are not wrong of our action. I always believe in relationship, thereÂ’s not right or wrong but love or not love. I donÂ’t wish to suffer in a toxic relationship and make it worst toward marriage. ItÂ’s hard to break off but to move on. This might be the only solution if both of us donÂ’t realise and effort to solve and save the relationship. In my past and present experience, the ultimate killer of relationship is ego.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

I really hope you won't have to go through what i went through. Be fair to yourself and the true girl of your life. She will come one day and will you be ready for her? You won't get used to the absence of your current gfin the beginning stages. But you have to hold on.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

Sigh, I am not an expert here, but the least I could was read. The term toxic relationship is self explanatory, you need detoxification, and if you cannot find an antidote the least you can do is drink big gulps of water and be adept at handling your emotions.

There are all kinds of toxic relationships, as I type I was reminded of a girl Soh Yuan Lin who would quarrel with her apparent boyfriend and the boyfriend somehow lost his head and went after her with a cleaver. Lifelong imprisonment or hang man just like that. Hence please, even if the relationship is toxic, maintain the basic self preservation, don't do stupid things when you can take a step back, catch a breath, and say you need a break. We are all in different forms of toxic relationships here at SBF, it's how we look at it that makes the world of difference, perhaps. Good luck.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

Soh yuanlin behaved like a slut. Her ex bf was stupid enough to invest his feelings into a relationship like this.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

A toxic relationship takes 2 hands to clap.
It doesn’t matter who is good or bad, who is right or wrong.
A person who is too good or too right is also an impossible person to be with.
There is no logic or reason in a relationship.
A relationship is a wonderful and dynamic moment.
Seek for it and treasure it. Not everyone deserves a relationship.

I have given up on bad friends.
I see no logic maintaining friendships with ppl i cant gel with.
There are so many happier things to do like surfing SBF.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHU6vvsTnbI

"This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before..."

Was in a similar position. She's all kinds of screwed up inside due to her past experiences. Always wanting to break up over this and that. Too darned tiring walking on eggshells all the time.

Sometimes, things are worth fighting for. Sometimes, you can fix things. Sometimes, you just gotta let her go.

Good luck TS.

Sad but men are bastard. If the sex isn't good. There isn't much to remember her by.

Re: Toxic relationship
 

never ever beg someone to stay.
even if the fault is yours, say sorry and if she cannot accept is time to move on.

if is meant to be, is meant to be.