Am I realistic?
 

Hi all!

I am 50 years old and going though a divorce with wife of 18 years. Have 2 kids in secondary level. Got the custody for them.

Was wondering the road ahead for me. Should I search for a new relationship again? But going through a failed marriage sort of makes me scared. So marriage option not appealing to me. Wonder if there are ladies out there, maybe also a divorcee or an older single who is willing to be a "life" partner with me? I can't promise marriage but I can supporting us (she and me) financially (normal mid class couple expenditure) till we grow old together. I know there is no black and white binding this relationship and any side of the party can easily end it. Do you think there are people out there who are ok with this? Am I being unrealistic? Any advice, personal experiences are greatly appreciated!

Re: Am I realistic?
 

A "marriage" is merely a piece of paper that imposes obligations while offering no benefits whatsoever for the man.

My advice is to enjoy the new found freedom for the time being and avoid making any commitments for a while. If you want sex please patronise our advertisers as they are the ones who help pay the overheads of running this forum. :)

All relationships meander along a similar path and in the majority of cases become nothing more than a mundane coexistence so expect more of the same as time goes by if you jump headlong into a new relationship. The euphoria of a fresh start may last a couple of years and after that you're back to sqaure one. :D

Re: Am I realistic?
 

You are asking a question that is very hypothetical and you had already made some assumptions on the result.
This is also a question many are asking and seeking (men and women) for an answer which is not ez to find.
Human relation is very complex. Will suggest, just let it be. What is bound to happen, will happen.
At 50, live free and enjoy. Go with the heart. There's nothing to be realistic or unrealistic about human relationship.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

Since you have custody of your 2 kids, be the best parent you can to them. Leave everything else to what is meant to be. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. We just have to accept it gracefully.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

Thank you all for your sound advices!

Boss Sammy, yes,if the sexual urge is too great, will turn to your sponsors! Thanks for the great job running this forum! Also, I know most relationships are like a vicious cycle, started off good but turn worse and worse. Maybe I am holding on to hope that the next one will be different from my ex?

Bro huayingxiong, thanks! You insight is indeed deep and valuable. Everyone is different. Just want to find out if there is a norm where a couple stayed together till old without marriage? I remembered one of an elder colleague many years ago had a partner like that. Never married but also together. Rare case?

Bro bebe69, Thanks! And Yes! Of course the kids are my priorities. That was why I fought for yhem. One going off to NS in 3 year time and the other going to JC or poly. But I can't just put all emphasis on them. They will leave home one day and I will be all alone. Got to think of my later years too.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

I hope things work out for you. Just one issue....i'm not a Bro!

There are plenty of divorcee out there in pretty much the same situation as you and also looking for life partners. At this age, I do not think getting married is a must for them at all.

If you are going to put financial support on the plate, than this relationship will most likely be unbalanced and unhealthy.
If you are interested, there's a thread somewhere that a bro is pulling strings for woman in financial hardship. You can be their knights in shiny armour.

And I think they dun mind to have someone like you in their lives.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

Sorry Sis bebe69! Thanks for your well wishes.

Thanks bro sexcision! Yah, may seem like sugar relationship but that is not exactly what I want. I want something like a one to one, taking care of small things in life relationship. Like how normal couples would do. Living and spending time together type.

If I don't put financial assurance, I wonder how many ladies are ok with it? I am not good looking and come with a son and daughter in the package.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

Let Nature takes its course.

There is no need to commit to any relationship yet. It is not a MUST you need to have a marriage. End of the day everything just goes to dust. Live to the fullest. Have fun and enjoy spending time with your kids first.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

It's best that you take a pause on seeking relationship especially after your divorce and put your focus on your two children.

Time will pass very fast and soon your children will start working and then you can start to seek your own happiness.

Re: Am I realistic?
 

Thanks again! But the thought of bringing up the kids alone is a bit taunting. The boy is fine but it's the girl I am worried about. Closer to mom and I'm not good with girlie stuffs.

Also, by the time they are independent, that might be another 10 years. Will be 60 then. Who would want an old man then?

May I know what the other divorcees are doing after the split? In terms of relationship? Both from the sexes perception?

Re: Am I realistic?
 

there are people out there who are ok with divorced people. i myself too am divorced with 1 kid and my new partner is fine with it.

Thanks for the encouragement! May I know if your new partner is expecting to get married with you?

Re: Am I realistic?
 

yes you are realistic

Re: Am I realistic?
 

It is never too late for any Human to fall in love, proven by Humanity for centuries. Age is no barrier. Only that love at 1st sight does not exists. Such is not love, but only possession.

True love takes time, & often is built up, from friendship into a more intimate relationship, as it will take time to KNOW each other better. A friend is someone you can trust & count on & loyal to you, as you to her as well, & if either party is not comfortable with each other, break ups happen, out of free will & save each other from further quagmire into a loveless marriage.

No Human is meant to live life alone. There are many ways to make friends, thru healthy pursuit hobbies & sports - cooking, social dances, swimming, jogging, community events, charity drives, religious classes, etc.

However, even if you found someone, you & your partner must be prepared to face your kids that you love. If they resent it, you both will have family issues & may even be deemed a dirty old man whom cannot keep sexual urges at bay with your age, OR, if they are matured enough, will realize you are a Human & do have needs, but sadly, at their age, they will not be matured enough to deal with it.

Thus, in any relationship, be it with a new companion or with kids that you love, honest no hold but peaceful COMMUNICATION is necessary, not just once, but several times, to repeat, reinforce & inculcate common grounds agreed upon, in order to build up a comfortable relationship with all in your life.

The first & last thing you should NEVER do is to look for love & companionship in the WRONG places, such as massage palours & KTVs. Such places are only PAID FANTASIES. For a few dollars, you will be entertained, the way one is entertained by going to the cinema. It is just pure escapism, perhaps to resolve a mental & physical need to be a Human.

Have a budget to spend, then when the night ends, so too the fantasy, have a good sleep & be refreshed to face REAL challenges of the day. Women working in such places are only in it for the money & will have regulars supporting them, & even have YOUNG real boyfriends that they can relate to, awaiting them at home. In such PAID fantasies, the MORE money you give, will only earn MORE services in return. Such is NOT love, but only a transaction. Thus, do not live in delusions...

All the best.