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Old 13-04-2018, 05:02 PM
dion8et dion8et is offline
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dion8et deserves a Tiger! - He's a Good Guy
Cheating Spouse - To forgive or not?

I’m shaken by my discovery 2weeks back when my hub of 4years (>15years togetherness) cheated on me. He has been slping in separate room mths ago on the reason that our bed is too squeezy with a cosleeping toddler.

I found photos and msgs that he cheated on me for the past 1y with a SYT(>10years age gap) subordinate at work. The intimacy and how she made him feels “young” again; the activities they had during this courtship, the intimacies etc. I was broken.

Since our firstborn came along, I know it’s impt to keep up with the flame but I am really burnt out being a working mom and rushing chores after the kid is asleep. He works long hours so usually is out early back late, so i’m on my own to manage the kid, household and whatnot. So yes, intimaticies are lacking.

I have to keep a clear mind albeit a broken heart. I confronted him days later and he said he was sorry and wanted to repent. He felt neglected ever since the kid came along and when this SYT joined his company and I guess she was all innocent yet poor thing with a family and financial background that eventually his sympathy to help her slowly develop into feelings over the year, and they progressed in the dark. I saw their chat history and he was one luring and bringing her into this forbidden relationship (she does have doubts at times whether if it is correct etc.) and upon the confrontation when he asks for forgiveness, I requested if he is willing to text this SYT for a clean breakup; he didnt at that point of time, that he fears she will suicide etc. Fast forward: 72hours after the expose he comes saying tt he will text her in front of me (in between he told me he had spoken f2f with her, and she walked away in tears etc.).

Honestly I have my reservation because actions taken after that 3days makes me wonder what conversation they have in between, if things were plotted etc. Obviously there were no response to his msg and that's about it.

Deep within me I am prepared to forgive him, and this 2 wks he is showing more concern towards me and family, chores, and making efforts to return home slightly earlier (previously he stayed almost till really late to claim taxi and send her back; quality time etc.) are making me gg soft. After all, it was a more than a decade of relationship and the emotional attachment to this man is really strong; I gave my all wholeheartedly to him and to uphold our home. I am not financially dependent on him, and I don’t believe in staying together just to give the kid a whole family. This is purely just out of the love I have for this man, kid or no kid.

I am caught in between this emotional attachment, yet I have nothing to build on my trust for him, it’s all based on what he tells me. Part of me is fearful that he will cheat on me again and be more vigilant nx time, and another part of me says just take the leap of faith - out of love. This is such a common yet deep topic, and I really don't know what to do.