Of all the money that e'er I had

[Skyhigh29]

"Of all the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm I've ever done
Alas it was to none but me..."

For much of the time that I'm alive, I had little luck with girls. When I was much younger and innocent, the girls that I held crushes for and approached all unanimously shot me down, given the better alternatives available. And as I grow and mature into puberty, the problem worsen and my number of female friends dwindled.

I'm not a man lacking confidence, I believe. But girls shun me for the most obvious reason: I'm ugly. They say approach girls with genuine feelings and one day there will be one that reciprocate those affection- what a lie. We live in a superficial world that looks at things at a superficial level, and our instincts tell us to value looks and money before anything.

I spend my teenage years lacking the attention and affection of the opposite sex, which are things I ardently crave. It hurts even more to see fellow male friends and classmates around me falling in love. Fuck, am I really that undesirable? At least I was to the females around me back then. Till this day (I'm 25) I never had a relationship, romantic or sexual, with a local female. I guess I might as well give it all up.

At the end of JC I realize it would be near impossible for me to garner affection through contemporary means, but then I desperately crave affection. Just to have someone to hug and cuddle with, even if it is for a mere moment. These physical cravings eventually pushed me off my moral high grounds to plant a seed in my head: GFE can be bought, if it is not attained via courtship. And so started my whoremongering days. But in time to come, it would become a habit that drained me financially, but yet, let me lived through the greatest of all love.

As soon as I draw my first paycheck upon turning of legal age, the first thing I do was to head for Geylang. It was there, that I gave my first to an unnamed person that I have forgotten of her appearance....