Advise needed! Save marriage & kids.

Jjwqr · #1 05-01-2013, 09:36 AM

Hi bro & sis

I need ur advise urgently as my hb is having rs w his colleague during off hour. N it started only recently n i can feel it. The other woman is married w a 5yr old kid. As for me n hb have 4 kids. Age: 7,5,3 n 6mths old. All my kids r still very young n i really dun wan them to grow up in a broken family n i know very well tat i m nt able to take care of all 4 kids on my own. As i don hv any family support.

We r married for 8 yrs n during this 8 yrs thr r alot of up n downs. We go thru e following:

1. He got himself bankrupt. Ppl start to come my hm paste sticker here n thr.
2. Borrow $$ fr loanshark n my family r being harress by loanshark for quite a while. I took out all my savings to help him pd portion of it. As e os is too big, i m not able to pay all for him. We nd to face embaressment fr paint spray n o$p$ written by ah long.

jj_jj · #2 06-01-2013, 11:10 AM

Check out foster care options.
Go see your MP and ask him/her for all available schemes that can help you.
Stop all payments to the loansharks, you need money for yourself n kids, even if you are not going to divorce.

You need to "split" your hb issues from the kids'.
Handle both objectively, write out a list of challenges/options, it helps.

May the New Year give you fresh hopes and renewed strength to move forward.

Big Sexy · #3 06-01-2013, 11:40 AM

dump that no good husband of yours.
seeks help from these organisation if you need.

http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/
http://www.childrensociety.org.sg
http://www.family.org.sg/

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jjwqr

Hi bro & sis

I need ur advise urgently as my hb is having rs w his colleague during off hour. N it started only recently n i can feel it. The other woman is married w a 5yr old kid. As for me n hb have 4 kids. Age: 7,5,3 n 6mths old. All my kids r still very young n i really dun wan them to grow up in a broken family n i know very well tat i m nt able to take care of all 4 kids on my own. As i don hv any family support.

We r married for 8 yrs n during this 8 yrs thr r alot of up n downs. We go thru e following:

1. He got himself bankrupt. Ppl start to come my hm paste sticker here n thr.
2. Borrow $$ fr loanshark n my family r being harress by loanshark for quite a while. I took out all my savings to help him pd portion of it. As e os is too big, i m not able to pay all for him. We nd to face embaressment fr paint spray n o$p$ written by ah long.

MonteCristo · #4 06-01-2013, 11:17 PM

I am lost... What advice would you have us to give? How to retain your husband? How to take care of your kids? Whether you should still keep this family together?

maxsee · #5 07-01-2013, 08:22 AM

I dun think we can help u much bah...one a man changes heart...very hard to get him back liao...

kgbkgb · #6 07-01-2013, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jjwqr

Hi bro & sis

I need ur advise urgently as my hb is having rs w his colleague during off hour. N it started only recently n i can feel it. The other woman is married w a 5yr old kid. As for me n hb have 4 kids. Age: 7,5,3 n 6mths old. All my kids r still very young n i really dun wan them to grow up in a broken family n i know very well tat i m nt able to take care of all 4 kids on my own. As i don hv any family support.

We r married for 8 yrs n during this 8 yrs thr r alot of up n downs. We go thru e following:

1. He got himself bankrupt. Ppl start to come my hm paste sticker here n thr.
2. Borrow $$ fr loanshark n my family r being harress by loanshark for quite a while. I took out all my savings to help him pd portion of it. As e os is too big, i m not able to pay all for him. We nd to face embaressment fr paint spray n o$p$ written by ah long.

.. and u havent dumped him yet?? Why??????

alan0338 · #7 07-01-2013, 09:32 AM

how come boss nv liak the TS, tot should be advice instead of advise???

heye · #8 07-01-2013, 06:28 PM

maybe u should talk to ur hubby abt it. If he insist on divorce i believe the best option is to talk abt alimony. as parents if separation is ineviable , at least mitigate the effect on the children.

As a man , i dont tink it is wrong to divorce but i strongly believe , end of the day a man should be responsible and bring rice to the table.

MedicineMan · #9 07-01-2013, 06:52 PM

If hes this type of man, how the hell u would want to have 4 kids with him???

Iemanishere · #10 07-01-2013, 09:38 PM

Sis,
Dont mind me asking u what race are you.. and how old is your hubby?
+ what line of work?

As cant give advise if dont understand better..

Cheers

peanut123 · #11 08-01-2013, 12:37 PM

I think you are better off without him. A man who is irresponsible enough to drag his family into loanshark territory and who is having a fling with a married woman while he himself has 4 kids waiting at home isn't much of a man at all. He's just an irresponsible asshole.

I don't think he will change, and from what little info you provided, he's more of a drag on the family rather than a boost. Hard as it is, I think you should dump him. You might want your kids to have a father, but do you really want your kids to learn from his horrible example? Do you want your kids to see their father cheat on you? They may never recover from the trauma.

No, I think you should drop him, and get the courts to make him pay you monthly maintenance. Then, find another more worthy man. It's hard and painful, but the alternative is even more painful. A clean cut is the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jjwqr

Hi bro & sis

I need ur advise urgently as my hb is having rs w his colleague during off hour. N it started only recently n i can feel it. The other woman is married w a 5yr old kid. As for me n hb have 4 kids. Age: 7,5,3 n 6mths old. All my kids r still very young n i really dun wan them to grow up in a broken family n i know very well tat i m nt able to take care of all 4 kids on my own. As i don hv any family support.

We r married for 8 yrs n during this 8 yrs thr r alot of up n downs. We go thru e following:

1. He got himself bankrupt. Ppl start to come my hm paste sticker here n thr.
2. Borrow $$ fr loanshark n my family r being harress by loanshark for quite a while. I took out all my savings to help him pd portion of it. As e os is too big, i m not able to pay all for him. We nd to face embaressment fr paint spray n o$p$ written by ah long.

FCCialis · #12 16-01-2013, 11:15 PM

TS, any updates?

shiokpleasure · #13 16-01-2013, 11:35 PM

Bring the 4 kids to beg the woman to let go.

Unless you can be big heart and accept the other woman, together 2 mothers take care of 5 kids.

dickster_99 · #14 17-01-2013, 07:01 PM

Sounds that he is more of a burden than support to you. So what if you keep him by your side, the heart is with the other woman. With such nonsense, the kids will not grow in the way you want them to be...

Suggest that you have a good talk with him. You had gone through thicks and thins with him all these years and you still want to put up with his nonsense... If he really wants the family, he has to break clean with her and work hard for the family.