In love with a KTV Viet gal, need help

[yama1973]

Got to know this FL ex KTV viet gal last year June. Initially, it was purely transactional initially but it seems that feelings start to grow during her birthday last year in august. After a few months of 'dating', she did tell me that she liked me but not love me yet but she needed to work fl to support her family in vietnam.

Initially, She even asked me to give her allowance of $1-2k a month but i didn't as i was not really serious and probably just interest in a free bonk or cheaper bonk. We continued to stay in touch even when she went overseas and back to her hometown. She started to SMS me more saying she misses me, she love me, etc.

Whenever she is in SG, we will meet up 1-2 times a week to go out and of course a bonk. She don't really ask me for $$ anymore. In the lasst past months, she did borrowed about SGD 1 to 1.5k twice from me and she always returned me when she sees me. So in this way, i do trust her. In fact, there are times that she did request me to get her a digital cam (last year) and i told her i dont have so much $$ and she said she will pay half. I got her one.

Few months back, i told her that i have financial difficulty and she volunteered to lent me a few thousand but i declined. I dont want to use her hardearned money.

In her birthday this year, I bought her a ring and told her that its an engagement ring. She is very happy. She has been mentioning to me that she wanted to get married and have a baby asap. Recently, we started to talk about marriage and she mentioned that she is tired of working as a fl and wanted to settle down with me. Few months back, she is saying that she needs about SGD 15k to help her family start up some business so that she need not need to send about SGD 1k / month back. Being a middle class employee, i told her i dont have so much but i may try to fork out SGD 10k to help her. She said that once she has that, she will stop working and get married in Vietnam first and settle her divorce here in SG with an 'agent'.

I voiced out my concerned that i am afraid that after marriage, her family will demand tons of $$ from us and this may affect our relationship. She said that that's the reason why she needed the SGD 10k for them to start a biz so that they can be more self reliance. She also mentioned that she has told her family that she can't give so much ie SGD 1,000 after marriage and she can probably give SGD 300 a month. She has volunteered to work a normal job here probably getting few hundred a month so that i need not be so stress.

Question now is:
1. would she run away after I pass her the $10k?
2. how much baggage will i be inheriting if i marry her?
3. she mentioned that for marriage, i probably need to get her a diamond ring and necklace (she can pass me her own jewelery to make up the difference) just to show her relatives and not to 'lose face'. Is this really necessary??

Any advises?? welcome

[lasupkia]

U want the TRUTH or u want to hear nice lies?

For vietnamese, their family always come first. Dont believe? Then why she willing to work as FL to send $$ to her family. $10K to start biz for her family and they will be self-reliant? Get real, bro. What makes u so sure they will use the money for biz or the biz will make money?? If the family run out of $$, what will they do? Obvious answer. ask the girl again. what will she do, dont give?? Dont forget, she already work as FL to get $$ for her family, so she wont neglect them.

U think this girl dont want $$ from u? The real fact is she dont want small money from u, what she want is either big $ or the chance to stay in Sing and continue her FL work.

This is the sad TRUTH.

And now the NICE LIES. Her family will make it big in their biz. Every month they will give u some profits. Yr new wife wont ask u for $$. Nobody will remember her work as FL.

But the final decision is yours. What u want to do? Make yr own choice and dont regret.

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by yama1973

Question now is:
1. would she run away after I pass her the $10k?
2. how much baggage will i be inheriting if i marry her?
3. she mentioned that for marriage, i probably need to get her a diamond ring and necklace (she can pass me her own jewelery to make up the difference) just to show her relatives and not to 'lose face'. Is this really necessary??

1. If u have a mil in bank, 10k is ok. Even if she runs away, it is nothing. I seriously doubt she will run away, cos she found a carrot which she dun have to work anymore unless she found another richer guy who is willing to part 20k for her family business.

2. U will be 1 of the most fortunate man in the world. U have the whole family including immediate and long distance relatives to take care. U will expecting to meet more of her family as time goes by.

3. If she has so much expensive jeweleries then you are a lucky man. Yes they just love face. In chinese, "whack to face to make it look fatter".

Giving the family 10k will be like throwing your money into the drain. After months, they will say not enough for business, business failure, family need more money for operation or this n that.

I just love replying all these love love queries on WL.

[yama1973]

For vietnamese, their family always come first. Dont believe? Then why she willing to work as FL to send $$ to her family. $10K to start biz for her family and they will be self-reliant? Get real, bro.

++I agree with you.

What makes u so sure they will use the money for biz or the biz will make money?? If the family run out of $$, what will they do? Obvious answer. ask the girl again. what will she do, dont give?? Dont forget, she already work as FL to get $$ for her family, so she wont neglect them.

++ I have posed this question to her before. According to her, she tried to assure me that once she get married, there is a limit to what she can do and can only send back SGD 300 / month. Having said all these, the reality is that she won’t leave her family but i just want to set the expectations right.

U think this girl dont want $$ from u? The real fact is she dont want small money from u, what she want is either big $ or the chance to stay in Sing and continue her FL work.
++ She was actually ‘married’ to a Singaporean and has to pay a lump sum to him to get to work her. But she is planning not to work anymore and to get a divorce.

[yama1973]

1. If u have a mil in bank, 10k is ok. Even if she runs away, it is nothing. I seriously doubt she will run away, cos she found a carrot which she dun have to work anymore unless she found another richer guy who is willing to part 20k for her family business.
++ probably a million rupees  in the bank. I thought of that too.

2. U will be 1 of the most fortunate man in the world. U have the whole family including immediate and long distance relatives to take care. U will expecting to meet more of her family as time goes by.
++ I thought of going to VN next couple of months to meet her family to see the situation for myself. Want to take calculated risk.

3. If she has so much expensive jeweleries then you are a lucky man. Yes they just love face. In chinese, "whack to face to make it look fatter".
++ true.  She said that a lot of guys used to give her jewelry in the KTV days as she was an ‘ang pai’ then.

Giving the family 10k will be like throwing your money into the drain. After months, they will say not enough for business, business failure, family need more money for operation or this n that.
++ that’s my concern too. SO I want to set the expectations right. If she worked as a fl again, I will ask her to fly kite.

[charger]

Guys like most of you, I been KTVing alot and i met many viet wls. i think they are much better than prcs. Most of them are poor and so are their peers, such that their expectation is also lower. PRC may ask for 50k.

Like a/m bros said they really care for the families even sacrifice their esteem and bodies to send money home. I really admire them. Culturally most viet babes are very loyal to you once they decided that you are the one and i think they make gd wives. As for yr $10k question. If you really love her, I suggest you go to her Viet hme and meet the family first before you make any more steps forward. See for yrself how is the family doing and how yr 10k can help.

To me the only setback could be when married to you she will cont to contact her frnds and that when prblm may arise. She get a sml allowance frm you but her frns get lots of tips. But then agn love may conquer all .
I wish you well.

[Supedupe]

Hi Bro,

This tactic is called, cast long lines to catch big fish..... Be careful.

[abrams75]

Bro,
U have to do a risk management on how much risk u gonna embark on this issue... If it is a true love, then your hardearn 10k is worth the risk... Of cos all this lies in your judgement and analysis on how much u able sacrifice and not being carrot..final word.. 三思而后行

[skymud]

bro, this is a personal experience. I felt in love with FL before, no matter how smart or shrewd you are, if you had put your real feelings in you will get caught in it. Believe me in that bro, I have tested my fl gf couple of times and the results made me trust her even more. In the end, all are just lies and even if you know its all lies but you will still step in hopping that she will turn back......

Good times don't last long, when you are down and out you will get dumped. Forget about their promises to stick to you even when you are down and out because there is no such thing.

I used to believe not all FLs are out to cheat us guys, but sadly I have encountered one that broke my heart real bad. Sometimes its not the $ that is lost you are sad with, I have always believe money can be made back. But when you think of the trust and love you placed in the girl and she was just toying with you, I can tell you the pain is much worst than just losing 10 or 20k of money.

Open up your eyes and look carefully bro, think carefully do you really love her that much to sacrifice what all the above bros mentioned?

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by yama1973

Got to know this FL ex KTV viet gal last year June.

Go read the thread "Understanding Vietnam Life Partner" to see what you will face if you hook on to a viet gal
http://sbf.net.nz/showthread.php?t=64297

There are good and bad examples in the thread.
Opinion are given by few bros, decision is yours.

Originally Posted by naemlo

I just love replying all these love love queries on WL.

I have many love love queries on viet WL. Can I consult you

[AhMin]

bro, like many senior n experience guys said here, be very careful, dont fall into her trap, i n my friends been thru all this, but i m bit lucky than my friends, they get married, but less than one year divorce already! Less than 1 year ! Believe or not! Lost lots of $ n split e house! He got broken heart n soul lost, but she still hunt n cheong ard, those gps of gals hang out in attica huntin for ang moh now! Lucky for me, i didnt spent so much $, i n my gals still in contact, we r just FB now, we meet once in oversea n here every year. Now though we dont meet every day but we still have passionate sex meet up twice a year .. So bro, careful .. Good luck then ..

[jf66312]

bro ,

my wife is a VN gal as well...
just to highlight some pointers to you..

1)do you know what is her family size in VN?
2)does her family reside in city area or outside city area.
3)what kind of businees they want to set up with 15K?

Bro...even now my wife married to me , i do not need to send 1K every month...
a few hundred every few mths is what i am doing & is sufficient...but my wife's family is not residing in the rural area...

bro..u have to be careful...do what you can within your means..having a wife who cant help contribute to bread & butter every month is not easy..to be frank with you..so before you make any decision , please think through carefully...

feel free to pm me if you need any help/advice...
i cant promise you i am absolutely right but i can share with you my experience...

cheers

[jf66312]

bro ,

one more thing...if u intend to go to VN to see her family...please be careful & open your eyes clearly to see...dun believe everything they say, just take note & after that come back to analyse...

dun put yourself in danger there as well....

spend more time to understand if possible as certain things they can lie to you at the moment but not forever..see if u can find any loopholes...

cheers

[Dagger_Lee]

Love is always the cause of our own misery.

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by KangTuo

I have many love love queries on viet WL. Can I consult you

What problem have with viet wl? The only problem I can think of is u have too many n not enough siao to give them.