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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. This section is sponsored by Yakuza.

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  #1  
Old 22-10-2018, 12:45 AM
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Confession of Ghosted - Platonic ? or Used? part 1

I have just been recently engaged last year and I am experiencing a weird type of ghosting at this moment that involves a recent acquaintance of mine. I find it weird because the situation involves a very quick intensive interaction period but no sex involved.

About last month, an old guy friend of mine from my American days came to Singapore for a tech conference. And roughly around the same time too, I have been on a month long break before taking on a new job. At his co-working space, I was introduced to a female friend of his, a beautiful 31 year old Korean American girl named Anita. He knew her from a few years back when they were both working in Hong Kong. We introduced ourselves and my friend informed Anita about my engagement. Three of us went for dinner and drinks that evening. The following day my friend left Singapore for Thailand. That's when the whirlwind of interaction between me and Anita really took off.

This adventure was made possible partially because my fiancee and I do not live together. The reason is because her parents are quite old fashioned, so I am staying at my own place while she stays at hers.

Since I wasn't working then, I had plenty of time in my hands and we were talking about a small independent project that Anita was keen to do that may need some of my inputs. In our interaction, Anita also revealed the hard time she had to find work here and how she was alone with no friends. Long story short, we hit if off pretty quickly, and having flexible hours to burn, we met everyday to chitchat and hangout. I learned so much about her, where we both actually like pretty much the same things, the same food, hobbies, open mindedness, love of pets, etc.

We got into really deep discussions about life, dating, etc. and within a week, we were walking at the waterfront of Marina Bay, laid down on the wooden lounge and shared the single space just two of us. Later that night she came to my place and she decided for a sleepover. Anita and I shared the same bed but didn't do anything sexual. She just gotten her period then. I was a bit surprised by how trusting she was to me. And as I was laying in bed, I told her how she looks different without her glasses on, which resulted in her blushing. The following day I accompanied her for half a day to view some rooms that she plans to move in to. It was such a memorable experience for me because I never spent that much time with a female acquaintance of a non-sexual nature from 7 pm until 11 am the next day. (16 hours non-stop).

I continued seeing Anita on weekdays while spending weekends with my fiancee and two weeks after that, my fiancee left for her 2-weeks African safari trip.

On one occassion, I was at my fiancee's place and Anita asked me what I was doing, so I invited her to come over for lunch and hangout. The following late evening, she came over again to Netflix. Afterwards, I went my way to prepare a bed for her in the spare room, so I took the bed next to her. That night, we didn't do anything, but I apparently, according to Anita I snored like a pig. And she smacked my belly and asked me to move to the other room instead so she could have her rest. Strangely though, I agreed to switch room.

I realized that I made a huge mistake by letting her for a sleepover at my fiancee's place. Not that I mind spending time with Anita, but the amount of cleaning up the place was a huge undertaking. Anita's hair was all over the place. I had to double vacuum everything to make sure no evidence of a non-affair. And Anita was laughing upon hearing this problem that I had.

A few days later, I then decided to fly back to my home country to see my family instead.

<to be continued>
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  #2  
Old 22-10-2018, 01:13 AM
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Re: Confession of Ghosted - Platonic ? or Used? part 1

I then decided to fly back to my home country to see my family instead.

A bit of a backstory. Anita is actively using Tinder and as a Gold member she could see her statistics. She showed me how her numbers jumped, from 711 likes to 1,000 likes within half an hour. She is really an attractive girl. I can't imagine what my life would be if I have 1,000 girls liking my profile.

I casually joked with Anita that.. theoritically speaking .. if she decides to go out on a date with all the 1,000 men .. she could have free dinners for 3 years straight!

On weekends, when I was spending time with my fiancee, she went out on Tinder dates with the guy she fancies.


Anita continued to call me every evening from Singapore to have a conversation, she told me how she appreciated spending with me and how she missed me. She even acted with child-like sound of cajoling me to return to Singapore to celebrate her birthday. She also proposed the idea that we both could go on a holiday trip to celebrate her upcoming birthday. I was a bit shocked by her eagerness to spend time with me, even though she knew all along that I am engaged. We talked about Bali, Chiang Mai, Bintan, but nothing ever materialized. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she said honestly all she wants is a home cooked meal and spend time with her friends (me and another female friend she recently made in Singapore)

I decided to return to Singapore to celebrate her birthday. Two of us went to a nice Italian restaurant and then for movies. She took photo of us and sent it to her mom. Interestingly though she mentioned about how she rather spend her birthday with me than those 1,000 guys and happily pointed that I should consider myself lucky to be in the presence of such wanted commodity.

After the movies, as she was about to take the bus, I gave her a hug and tried to kiss her forehead but she moved her head away.

The following evening, she invited herself to my place for dinner and we all had a nice conversation along with my housemates. Then Anita went to my room, changed into my shorts and laid on my bed. She showed me the mosquito bites on her legs and I applied some ointment there. To my surprise, she gave moaning sounds as I pressed my fingers onto it. she proceeded by lifting up my shorts to reveal her thigh and furthermore ... she kept on making spreading legs gestures, pretending she is exercising. I didn't know how to react. I was just laughing at myself and kept on smiling at her. She was smiling too but felt weird. And I didn't go for the kill. She seemed restless and wasn't sure. And she said she wanted to go home. I didn't stop her. As she was about to enter her taxi, I tried to kiss her on the forehead again, but she moved her head away again.

The following morning, she texted me.. and asked if I think that me and her shouldn't be spending time with each other and she felt that there has been a misunderstanding. I asked her what misunderstanding, and she only wrote 'cmon'. I asked what her understanding is and I asked to meet up with her and talk about this. And she said she will think about it.

About 10 hours later, her last text to me was to not contact her until she feels she is ready to talk. I agreed. It has been two days, and I couldn't hold myself, so I gave her a call. She didn't pick up.

Now she blocked everything and ghosted me. Just like that...

I am totally confused by her actions. What does she really want out of me???

I could totally understand ghosting if we had hooked up instead. But this ??? It feels so rough... ROUGH ... :9 In fact, I felt like I was being used... to appease her loneliness, without enjoying the good stuff.
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Old 22-10-2018, 01:05 PM
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Re: Confession of Ghosted - Platonic ? or Used? part 1

Pretty clear she wanted to have some fun since she is freaking free and clearly she don't mind (or rather, she is targeting) to sleep with you, she strikes me as the "player" type, date guys as a hobby and sleep with them when she feel like it.

The moment you chose not to take the bait (which i honestly don't know why, since to me it's quite clear that you having a fiancee did not deter you from flirting around in her absence), she concluded that you lack the balls to go all the way and so don't want to waste time on you, plenty in the Queue for her to mess around and fool around and sleep around.

Sorry to be blunt, but you probably is just any other playthings she has had in the past /present, so if I were you i will stop wasting my time pondering what are her real thoughts, you clearly won't be in her thoughts, there's nothing special about you in her books, you just happened to be around for her convenience, nothing more.

Imo, you lost the chance to bang a girl whom is there for the taking, the window pf opportunity closed, so your lost. I know such feeling coz I was in similar situation, got invited up to an acquaintance place for the lamest of reasons, she was literally dropping innuendos throughout the time we at her place all alone, i didn't pull the trigger as I have someone back then, in hindsight i should have. Things just weren't the same anymore after the "offer" wasn't taken, same for your case. These are players, they won't want to potray they so hard up for you to bang since you "failed" the audition. Move on. Game over.

If i were you i will be more concerned about looking into your relationship with your legit partner and wife to be. Pretty clear her legal existance did nothing to stop you from being tempted, you might wanna look into your future with her as a couple, because the sad truth is, relationship only deteriorate after marriage. All the best bro.
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Old 23-10-2018, 01:27 AM
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Re: Confession of Ghosted - Platonic ? or Used? part 1

she wanted to have some fun.
your refusal / inaction caused her to ghost on u.
i mean why would people continue to waste time on you if u're not giving them what they want? And its not like she's asking a money or what. She's just asking u to "give it to her". Women have needs too.

About avoiding the forehead kiss. Some people is ok for sexual relationships but not ok for simple things like a kiss. They probably dont want to feel any feelings towards this relationship which is not going to last.

I had girls who rather give me a wake up bbbj and let me CIM them, then enjoy a passionate kiss with me.

Mutual understanding in such cases are important.
Know what each other want.
Know what to accept and reject.

U rejected her advances, so dont regret now.
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  #5  
Old 23-10-2018, 01:20 PM
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Re: Confession of Ghosted - Platonic ? or Used? part 1

Is that karma?

Last edited by Humpy Dumpty; 27-10-2018 at 02:36 PM.
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Old 24-10-2018, 09:48 AM
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Re: Confession of Ghosted - Platonic ? or Used? part 1

I guess I am still recovering...

In all honesty, I didn't expect to fuck her because she was giving confusing signals, unlike other hookups I had before where it had been pretty much straightforward.

I know I like her.

And the sad part is... I really enjoyed spending time with her, the conversations, the companionship, the sweetness she displayed. A lot of people can act charming just for sex, but only a certain breed of total phony will cry love.

A hookup shouldn't be built over a period of a month long interaction,don't you think? At most a week??

You know, in my still somewhat-broken heart... I guess I want to believe something else...

that perhaps the idea that she must stop any contact because she has grown fond of me...

*sighs.
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