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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #1  
Old 23-03-2019, 09:40 PM
ACFE ACFE is offline
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Advices from bros and sis

I am in my late 20s. I have been with my bf for about 2.5 years and the first two years are long term relationship with timing differences. We have overcome the long distance rs and recently he has came back to sg for almost 6 months but he couldn’t even get a proper job. He has sent near to hundred of resumes but many rejected him due to no working experience.

I feel tough being with him recently as I am a Professional and need to ot always but he seems like doing nothing and slept until noon due to jobless. I need to provide allowance for my parents and we always quarrel because of money. My friends think that we are not compatible as he doesn’t even have a stable job. Let alone planning for our future. His family background is not bad but what I want is someone who is financially independent without relying on his parents.

I need some advices from the bros and sis over here. Been very vex recently over this issue, should I continue waiting for him to get a proper and stable job or should I just move forward to get someone who has common interests and common topics with me.
  #2  
Old 23-03-2019, 10:24 PM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

With regard work ethic, he is clearly not at your level yet. And may never be. This speaks to a far deeper problem than him waking up at noon.

You have very different values when it comes to work and money. You can’t change him, and these value systems are very deeply ingrained in each and every one of us.

Even if he gets a job, his values will not change.

For your sake and his, move on. No point kicking the can down the road.
  #3  
Old 23-03-2019, 10:24 PM
Stimsia Stimsia is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

If a guy cant even support himself, better let go
Seem to be 富二代, then ask his family set up small shop/business to earn steady stream of income
  #4  
Old 23-03-2019, 10:44 PM
ACFE ACFE is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
With regard work ethic, he is clearly not at your level yet. And may never be. This speaks to a far deeper problem than him waking up at noon.

You have very different values when it comes to work and money. You can’t change him, and these value systems are very deeply ingrained in each and every one of us.

Even if he gets a job, his values will not change.

For your sake and his, move on. No point kicking the can down the road.

Thank you for your kind advices. It somehow helps me to face the realistic like what my friends once said.
  #5  
Old 23-03-2019, 10:46 PM
ACFE ACFE is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stimsia View Post
If a guy cant even support himself, better let go
Seem to be 富二代, then ask his family set up small shop/business to earn steady stream of income
Even if his parents can afford to fork up the capital, he himself have to come out with a plan. Without plannings is just a waste in the end, he somehow feels like I may not sound right when I suggested some ideas for him cause he once said his dad is a businessman and should heed his advices more. Well, I shall not comment further and focus in my career now.

Thank you for your kind advices too
  #6  
Old 24-03-2019, 12:33 AM
alexsptrader alexsptrader is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACFE View Post
I am in my late 20s. I have been with my bf for about 2.5 years and the first two years are long term relationship with timing differences. We have overcome the long distance rs and recently he has came back to sg for almost 6 months but he couldn’t even get a proper job. He has sent near to hundred of resumes but many rejected him due to no working experience.

I feel tough being with him recently as I am a Professional and need to ot always but he seems like doing nothing and slept until noon due to jobless. I need to provide allowance for my parents and we always quarrel because of money. My friends think that we are not compatible as he doesn’t even have a stable job. Let alone planning for our future. His family background is not bad but what I want is someone who is financially independent without relying on his parents.



I need some advices from the bros and sis over here. Been very vex recently over this issue, should I continue waiting for him to get a proper and stable job or should I just move forward to get someone who has common interests and common topics with me.
Tll him frankly you need your guy to be his own man. Find something to do even if it means getting paid 1.5-2k a month. If he still thinks he deserves better and it is no fault of his and prefers to just sleep n watch tv. Then say this isn't the type of person u see yourself goin long term with.

Easy la. He must wake up and stop being too dependent on family . How to take care of kids next time if still on pacifier .
  #7  
Old 24-03-2019, 01:05 AM
ACFE ACFE is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by alexsptrader View Post
Tll him frankly you need your guy to be his own man. Find something to do even if it means getting paid 1.5-2k a month. If he still thinks he deserves better and it is no fault of his and prefers to just sleep n watch tv. Then say this isn't the type of person u see yourself goin long term with.

Easy la. He must wake up and stop being too dependent on family . How to take care of kids next time if still on pacifier .
Thank you for your kind advices. He has tried to apply for those simple jobs but still couldn’t get. Merit of him is he is really good to me and even sometimes when I am showing him my temper he will still give way to me. This is the reason why I stand until now. But all of my friends said “爱情不能当饭吃”. Sometimes he has tight cashflow he will borrow from me, this is what my friends get really fedup of him and don’t even want me to discuss more on him because to them a guy should be more responsible and find ways to solve the problems.

Perhaps both he and me are not in a very good situation to continue.
  #8  
Old 24-03-2019, 01:26 AM
alexsptrader alexsptrader is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACFE View Post
Thank you for your kind advices. He has tried to apply for those simple jobs but still couldn’t get. Merit of him is he is really good to me and even sometimes when I am showing him my temper he will still give way to me. This is the reason why I stand until now. But all of my friends said “爱情不能当饭吃”. Sometimes he has tight cashflow he will borrow from me, this is what my friends get really fedup of him and don’t even want me to discuss more on him because to them a guy should be more responsible and find ways to solve the problems.


Perhaps both he and me are not in a very good stuation to continue.
I see. Then set a date ba. Say 6 months . If u feel still goin nowhere n he is behaving like a bum then cut off both must agree don't waste time . Can't ask u to wait indefinitely for him right
  #9  
Old 24-03-2019, 02:46 AM
doubleholecp doubleholecp is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by ACFE View Post
I am in my late 20s. I have been with my bf for about 2.5 years and the first two years are long term relationship with timing differences. We have overcome the long distance rs and recently he has came back to sg for almost 6 months but he couldn’t even get a proper job. He has sent near to hundred of resumes but many rejected him due to no working experience.

I feel tough being with him recently as I am a Professional and need to ot always but he seems like doing nothing and slept until noon due to jobless. I need to provide allowance for my parents and we always quarrel because of money. My friends think that we are not compatible as he doesn’t even have a stable job. Let alone planning for our future. His family background is not bad but what I want is someone who is financially independent without relying on his parents.

I need some advices from the bros and sis over here. Been very vex recently over this issue, should I continue waiting for him to get a proper and stable job or should I just move forward to get someone who has common interests and common topics with me.
hi, just want to understand better he’s also local? just that he’s been working overseas? so that explains the LDR for 2yrs?

I’m pretty much in the same scenario before, graduated during massive economy downturn couldn’t find a full time job in my field of study even though sending resumes after resumes.

But I didn’t just stay at home & nua but worked part time of all sorts at least have some income to support myself (even no pocket money for parents also ok)

some of the part times include sports event helper, construction site mini supervisor handling bangla for a small project, temp dog accommodations where owners go overseas & we help take care their dogs (I even wash their kennels full of dog shit & need to walk the dog like they are my master) etc

It dragged for 2yrs when economy picked up & I finally able to get a full time job but pay sucks big time but at least better than doing part time all the way

I treat my parents makan when I get my 1st pay check sibeh shiok (they also super happy even though my pay not very high)

slowly getting the necessary experience & switch jobs & rest is history

So if he has the will to go look for something to do I think still can put on observation mode...if not I think letting go might be a better option

my 2cents
  #10  
Old 24-03-2019, 10:06 AM
ilovepantyhose ilovepantyhose is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

hi sis,

do u think he is a responsible person?

do u share common interests with him?

do u share similar life values with him?

do u share similar financial values with him?
  #11  
Old 24-03-2019, 10:15 AM
Triple70 Triple70 is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Everyone can play a role in society.
A guy may be good as a househusband, not neccesarily always the bread winner.

But can both of you accept such a scenario?
Stable jobs are hard to come by these days.
This is the new normal.

You might try dating but then realise the grass may not be greener elsewhere too.
  #12  
Old 24-03-2019, 10:43 AM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by alexsptrader View Post
I see. Then set a date ba. Say 6 months . If u feel still goin nowhere n he is behaving like a bum then cut off both must agree don't waste time . Can't ask u to wait indefinitely for him right
That sort of ultimatum is akin to forcing somebody to change their character (or ambition or whatever) for you.

What usually happens is that nothing changes at all, because human beings don’t change for others, but for themselves.

Or worse, they do as you command, but on a subconscious level, they will never forget this affront to their character and resent you forever.

Or, they make the change. They are happy about it, and they will will feel great pride at having reformed themselves, and claim all the credit. And forget you and move on to better things.

Such is human nature.

Much simpler to just decide what you can accept in your life.
  #13  
Old 24-03-2019, 12:47 PM
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cataramp cataramp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ACFE View Post
Thank you for your kind advices. He has tried to apply for those simple jobs but still couldn’t get. Merit of him is he is really good to me and even sometimes when I am showing him my temper he will still give way to me. This is the reason why I stand until now. But all of my friends said “爱情不能当饭吃”. Sometimes he has tight cashflow he will borrow from me, this is what my friends get really fedup of him and don’t even want me to discuss more on him because to them a guy should be more responsible and find ways to solve the problems.

Perhaps both he and me are not in a very good situation to continue.
Borrow money from you, for what purposes?
  #14  
Old 24-03-2019, 01:31 PM
fallen11 fallen11 is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by ACFE View Post
I am in my late 20s. I have been with my bf for about 2.5 years and the first two years are long term relationship with timing differences. We have overcome the long distance rs and recently he has came back to sg for almost 6 months but he couldn’t even get a proper job. He has sent near to hundred of resumes but many rejected him due to no working experience.

I feel tough being with him recently as I am a Professional and need to ot always but he seems like doing nothing and slept until noon due to jobless. I need to provide allowance for my parents and we always quarrel because of money. My friends think that we are not compatible as he doesn’t even have a stable job. Let alone planning for our future. His family background is not bad but what I want is someone who is financially independent without relying on his parents.

I need some advices from the bros and sis over here. Been very vex recently over this issue, should I continue waiting for him to get a proper and stable job or should I just move forward to get someone who has common interests and common topics with me.
Ang mo bf ah?
  #15  
Old 24-03-2019, 02:37 PM
ACFE ACFE is offline
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Re: Advices from bros and sis

Quote:
Originally Posted by doubleholecp View Post
hi, just want to understand better he’s also local? just that he’s been working overseas? so that explains the LDR for 2yrs?

I’m pretty much in the same scenario before, graduated during massive economy downturn couldn’t find a full time job in my field of study even though sending resumes after resumes.

But I didn’t just stay at home & nua but worked part time of all sorts at least have some income to support myself (even no pocket money for parents also ok)

some of the part times include sports event helper, construction site mini supervisor handling bangla for a small project, temp dog accommodations where owners go overseas & we help take care their dogs (I even wash their kennels full of dog shit & need to walk the dog like they are my master) etc

It dragged for 2yrs when economy picked up & I finally able to get a full time job but pay sucks big time but at least better than doing part time all the way

I treat my parents makan when I get my 1st pay check sibeh shiok (they also super happy even though my pay not very high)

slowly getting the necessary experience & switch jobs & rest is history

So if he has the will to go look for something to do I think still can put on observation mode...if not I think letting go might be a better option

my 2cents
He is not local but a PR. He graduated from overseas U 6 mths ago and came back to sg. I understand the economy now is bad and not easy to find a job without any experience but after all we have to have a second plan if really cannot get a one here isn’t it. I suggested him to go back to his hometown to gain a one year experience first so that is easier for him to job hop.
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