How to stop a guy from falling in love with me yet remain friends

[iluv33]

Originally Posted by hoiseeker

if u try to please everyone u will end up suffering. its a break up. he has to be hurt.

the situation you are in is either you hurt and lose your family or you hurt him for a little while. fyi if he can cry more than once over the same issue. he making use of the tears to keep you. my personal opinion. so he will be fine if u break up.

when i was in my NS days ages ago i had a crazy girlfriend. same style, ry / want to commit suicide everytime i want to break up then i soft heart stay with her.

then my elder sister know of my situation, told me to be hard hearted for once to end it or else it will never end and i end up sufferring. she gave me an awakening life lesson. we break up, commit suicide, hurt herself or what is not our fault. they themselves decide to hurt themselves physically. end i i took my sis advice broke up whatever threat etc i ignore end up she never do anything just carry on with her life.

after more life experience, people who guilt trip to get what they want? toxic people. u need to get that person out of your life.

[Willamshakspear]

No mortal has the power to tell the future correctly. Only what our ancestors, whom are flawed beings but through trial & errors, & found the right path for progress for descendants - we today -can we learn from, to never take another Human life for granted, more so those whom loved & cared for us.

We Humanity had progressed for millennia. Thanks to our courageous forefathers, today we are able to communicate at light speed, to share thoughts & feelings. While such tech had been abused by others, many MORE benefitted through genuine heartfelt thoughts to others.

Singapore is a progressive nation, & sadly, due to survival as a mere island state, we made many sacrifices that other nations need not do so as they have backyards to rely on. We don't, & not everyone can earn fortunes easily. Our forefathers understood such, but it did not stop them from experiencing love & love to others - to family & one's own kids, to relatives & friends & thus our todays, thank to their sacrifices.

We each today, must NEVER take another fellow Human for granted. It is love that compels us to reach heights that we never know achievable. In marriage, the vows made must be kept, no matter the circumstances & need to find solutions to resolve & keep the vows true, or we will only dishonor ourselves, & our very words meaningless to another.

It is only comprehensible that the meaning of love to a male is different to a woman. Love comprises more than just sex act. It comes with higher responsibilities - to start civilization & is the foundation that civilization is built up - the care, the concern, justice, peace, progress, etc. For males, it's just an itch to be relieved, but for females, it is the need to be wanted, to be desired & never to ditched after the male's itch is relieved. She too needs security.

Without females, there would be no males. It's only science. Thus both male & females are partners and NEVER to be taken for granted. It's not just about the sex acts, but care & concern, to never be taken for granted.

The internet was meant for the progress of Humankind, to keep in touch always. Just a simple text of care & concern will go a long way to keep our female partners happy:-



The english lingo is versatile & one needs not send the same text daily or else it will be meaningless as no effort is applied. Many other version or variations in the same or different language will help keep the partnership alive & vibrant.

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by Willamshakspear

Hi Qwerty6969.

I do agree with you on your points, such as women are not toys, & the sex act between a husband & wife in love is about being wanted, desired, the warmth of intimacy hugging each other in comfort till dawn arises..but sadly, the male's perspective is just simply an itch to be scratched to relive oneself...when it's over, turn over & drift off to sleep. Insensitive for sure to the female partner.

It is only common amongst married couples, more so after years & kids arrive. Having sex becomes a chore, as the male would have explored & discovered every contour & crevice of his lady partner, the same pattern, the same bed, each sex act, & instead would focus more on his responsibilities as a family man - career, kids, bills, etc to put food on the table for his loved ones - higher priorities than just mere sex acts.

However, women are not toys and have needs - the sentimental romantic notions that brought couples together in the initial courtship years that led to marriage. Your husband still loves you, but just probably insensitive or have little knowledge to your needs for warmth & intimacy..

Do not worry. Such intimacy that happened in the past can be rekindled - it just need the imaginative spark from you, patience & effort in the initial stage of rekindling intimacy.

A change in hairstyle, fake long eyelashes, whiff of perfume, slight makeup, etc, even at home. Most married women like to put on the dowdy looking slip dress for simplicity. Do not use it as it excites no male. Instead, wear sleeveless shirts that show off navel & side boobs with a hint of nipples appearing as you move. Wear satin or denim shorts to accentuates your hips & legs.

The concept is to make him excited, set his heart beating & pant for you. Just do not over do it as most women did - wear a sexy costume one night after dowdy dresses for years. It will only either make him laugh at your clownish efforts, or shock him into fear. Instead, do it slowly, but surely, a bit at a time, innocuously, for him to notice your gradual sexy change that will set his heart racing.

When he start desiring you at bed time, have patience...play with him, have some foreplay first - kissing, touching, to enhance his desire. When the sex act happens, equally have patience & kindness, especially the first few times, because once a man reach his late 30s or 40s, there may be issues of penis erection or its sustainability for long.

Do not be disappointed, but let him know its ok, then tell him kindly but firmly, with a cheeky twinkle from your eye that you will conduct an experiment with a viagra pill, to give him just after dinner, as the pill will only take effect after 1 or 2 hrs later, so that he need not be shy or feel inadequate to please you.

Once his confidence & manhood is literally inflated, he will enjoy making love to you again, & give you the intimacy you seek for, & from there, more experiments to teach him how to please you as you pleasure him..so long as none is harmed behind closed doors.

Hope it works.

I did all I could believe me. I suggested that we take days off for couple dates but he just say no time. I bought lingerie and stuffs and I do keep myself attractive. But it doesn't work. There's no initiative from him at all and he doesn't kiss me passionately nor touch me suggestively.

But now the problem is I feel like I want to cover myself when I'm with him. I don't feel comfy being naked in front of him. Let alone initiate now.

I think it's too late. Even if I continue my marriage it'll be like this no sparks. Ill do my duty as a mother but I don't feel attracted to him at all. In fact, I feel disgusted sometimes. No doubt yes he is my husband but I feel like he is my brother.

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by frizen

Here's my 2 cents. I don't believe a man and a woman can ever be BFF. Best friends forever. They can just be acquaintance normal friends or what we call "friend zone"

However, BFF that definitely doesn't exist. A very close friendship between a man and a woman will always have a small window of opportunity for them to be intimate and romantic eventually developing feelings for each other. The only possibility of that not happening is if they are not straight. Probably being gay or lesbian.

You have your point there. But I still have this hope that perhaps it could happen somehow somewhere to somebody.

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by larue

Maybe you should try couples counseling if you still see a future with him. Problems like these aren't going to go away, and the longer problems go without resolution, the more problems will arise.

长痛不如短痛.

The best time to divorce is without kids. The next best time is when they are too young to blame themselves. Somebody I used to talk to shared her story with me, and it made me question everything about my own marriage, which I'd been questioning for some time already, but her situation crystallized everything for me.

Anyway back to being friends with him programming ...

I don't entirely with frozen in that I do believe exes can be good friends, or even best friends.

But that can happen only after enough time has passed, enough water flowed under the bridge and both parties have long since moved on.

But I do agree with him in that what you seek is likely impossible, that you and he can go straight from being lovers to being good friends.

Also, ask yourself honestly why you want that. Keep him on as a back up? Somebody whose arms you can easily run back into?

If not, then really you know the answer is obvious. Everybody can see it, you have to cut him off.

Angsting seems fun in a weird sado masochistic and even cathartic sort of way, but a poor basis for a quality existence.

Children will be hurt be they young or older. Mine are not too young but they do understand. And I have some other reasons that I cannot disclose here that I cannot divorce too.

And I honestly like him v much. We have this connection that I cannot find with anyone else. I have lotsa guys in convo but I don't find this chemistry like with him and likewise he with me. I keep on because I love this being in a relationship feeling. And that I sometimes hang on that also perhaps I can make his life happier by just making him his favourite cookies and soup. Which he doesn't get at home. (在外面偷吃 literally *laugh* ) but of course as I have said I'm in a fix..many times I called this off but its him who is pulling me back by stalking me in all my social media and he knows where I live. I'm just afraid he will meet my husband face to face

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by Willamshakspear

As for you boyfriend, it is good & matured of you to know that the affair cannot be continued for the sake of both families. It will destroy not just you, but him, both your families & kids when it is discovered as it surely will.

Thus, to stop it, you will need mental strength & mental discipline - to draw a line on intimacy between you both.

There is no law or books that say married males or females cannot have or be friends. It is ok & acceptable in all societies, only that there must be a line that cannot be crossed - from friends to lovers which will only harm many innocent others & the consequences to entwined lives.

You can still be friends with him for sure, even him as a good good friend. Just meet in places where there are always people around so that there is no whiff of suspicion on you both.

Should talks & discussions or after a few drinks lead to hints of intimacy, you will need the mental strength & discipline to resist it. Just think of the consequences should you both be discovered.

If he insists, then it will be high time to let him know those consequences too - divorce, alimony payments to his wife, his kids, & then to buy a house for you both to live in, & the costs of bringing up & providing for your kids too. Such doses of REALITY will sink in. If he truly loves you & respects you, he will back off than to cause further harm to you & himself, unless you are only a toy for him, easily manipulated with tears by him.

I will try to talk to him again

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by hoiseeker

hot and cold is an emotional roller coaster which can get him more attached to you. u need to be hard let him cry and just dont care. its because u soften so he knows he just needs to cry and you wont go.

I am trying..I'll try talking to him 1st

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by sammyhunk

Aiyo, why didn't u just find a duck to f and f off. Why find a sticky partner? U got yourself into a shithole. Maybe u can try to fake orgasm next time u f him. This turns guys off. Slowly and surely make the sex less appealing to him. Maybe he will slowly lose interest in you...

Lololol I didn't just anyhow find. They all pm me and it started from there that I got to know him. And duck got risks also I scare disease I OCD. But sex too good to fake hahaha how to fake?

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by iluv33

ah yes. the lost of the sex appeal can turn him off to find other girls. this may work. takes time though. and in the midst will have drama lor.. he start crying and start asking why u dont enjoy the sex anymore etc etc etc then he go think new kinky stuff to try to excite you lol

But thing is that he said its ok without he still wants to pamper and hug me. He even cooks and spend all his time with me. He writes mushy romantic stuffs on cards and gave to me and remembers month-sary. My gf said he is totally head over heels in love the 1st time he saw me.

[Qwerty6969]

Originally Posted by iluv33

when i was in my NS days ages ago i had a crazy girlfriend. same style, ry / want to commit suicide everytime i want to break up then i soft heart stay with her.

then my elder sister know of my situation, told me to be hard hearted for once to end it or else it will never end and i end up sufferring. she gave me an awakening life lesson. we break up, commit suicide, hurt herself or what is not our fault. they themselves decide to hurt themselves physically. end i i took my sis advice broke up whatever threat etc i ignore end up she never do anything just carry on with her life.

after more life experience, people who guilt trip to get what they want? toxic people. u need to get that person out of your life.

My AP didn't mention anything about self harm..just teared. ..yes I'm trying to find a chance to talk to him again

[gamerguy]

Sounds like you got to put your feet down and establish boundaries. Sex without strings, how many times a month, etc.

[yamihere]

From my personal experience, you can't maintain this.

Once a guy falls in love with you, they can't go back.

[Willamshakspear]

Thanks Qwerty6969 for responding & your further thoughts. It was unexpected, at least by me as most that we helped usually dont respond back, & can only presume that they had found solutions either here or elsewhere.

My heart goes out to you both - you & your lover. Love is a power that compel us to great heights of achievements in life, or it can burn us to cinders, to undescribable depths of despair that we may not be able to get out from, if not properly managed & controlled.

Take 5 - calm down & chill out, for a few days & think issues thru when quiet time permits. There is no hurry. Often, solutions & what needs to be done will come after some time of retrospective deliberations.

We mortals have free will, but it comes with responsibilities & consequences to others. Thus we have to choose wisely. So long as the consequences & responsibilities are made known, for sure then a wise decision can come forth...even painful as it is... to be together or be parted.. Realities of life is no fairy tale...

All the best to you, your lover, your husband who loves you & to all your kids & future...

[sbwow]

There will always be better guys/girls out there at sex, blame it on the lust where no one escapes that? HAHAHA.

Once someone signs the marriage certificate, it is equivalent to signing your whole life down to a specific set of rules that you shall follow as a human being which is governed by the law.
Hence, the law makes you guilty of adultery and so forth.

As TS has already registered and signed the ROM, should you be following the oath and law set by the Government OR would you rather go back to the primitive ways of fucking like animals following their own lust is entirely up to your choice. That being said, no amount of reasoning with regards to husband/wife is unable to satisfy hence committing adultery will be deemed valid as per the current rules/laws set by the Government.

HAHAHA.

[larue]

Originally Posted by Qwerty6969

And I honestly like him v much. We have this connection that I cannot find with anyone else. I have lotsa guys in convo but I don't find this chemistry like with him and likewise he with me. I keep on because I love this being in a relationship feeling.

So this whole wanting to leave him is just one big load of nothing and self-deception.