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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. |
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#16
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Re: True matters of the heart
Thank you all Brothers for your advice.
Sometimes tahan is easy, peace for all. However, I also scared I explode. But luckily my depth is very deep; only exploded once. Life is really about striking a balance and I am trying to find the balance between everything. |
#17
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Re: True matters of the heart
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There's no point telling somebody being bullied to just 'dont allow yourself to be bullied or dominated'. They are being bullied or dominated precisely because they weren't capable of that in the first place. But you're right, OP was merely hiding behind religion to continue staying in his safe place OP, have you ever used a condom? With the FL? And more importantly, it's well and good accepting that you will consider therapy, but I ask you: How will you bring it up to your wife, and does she even know how you feel towards her and the marriage? Or does she have absolutely no idea at all the depth of your feelings because you hide them so well from her everyday? |
#18
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Re: True matters of the heart
Can trust FL to be wife...pls think again...
Whores are for fucking and no contact after that...
__________________
Up me if want trade.....will not return if you dun hv min 60 pts Please Do Not reply long post, always edit...may zap and remove post |
#19
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Re: True matters of the heart
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i would leave if i were you. BUT... Not because of that FL. Keep others out of the equation so that you can think with a straight head. Otherwise you may end up getting out of 1 trouble, just to go into something worse. |
#20
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Re: True matters of the heart
I guess you are on the 3rd party counseling issue, unfortunately too little to work on, can only make guesses. Marriage counseling / therapy I guess better to try than never at all.
Plus kena bully part, I think OP he himself also know. In any case, better to encourage to try to stand up for yourself than never. Sometimes just need a little push in the correct direction. |
#21
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Re: True matters of the heart
The first word that came to mind was "doormat". HAHAHA.
Here's a step-by-step guide when being treated like a doormat. HAHAHA. https://www.marriage.com/advice/rela...-be-a-doormat/ |
#22
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Re: True matters of the heart
I have a friend. He was stuck in an abusive relationship marriage for several years. He was weak and defeated and felt he couldn't live without his wife and that he "loved her. Finally the marriage ended (with a lot of help from me and my wife to help him get the confidence to not only leave but actually fight back in the divorce). Now he is divorced. Goes to the gym and is looking super buff. Hot girls are throwing themselves at him and he has a different walk and different talk with confidence. He got a better job and is making more money.
An abusive spouse tears you down and holds you back in every area of your life. A supportive spouse builds you up and all areas of your life thrive. Get out ASAP. Restart you life. 2 years on you will be a different person. It has nothing to do with the prostitute in KL. |
#23
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Re: True matters of the heart
TS, maybe you want to consider a divorce first.
Next, cast your net wider. Have exposure to at least 10-20 ladies. Then take your pick from there? Where I am coming from is that you are already in shithole, anyone that comes by will seem like an angel. Don’t fall too quickly. Just my 2yen worth. All ze best!
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gm easy come, easy go Retired from ML scene except for that super special one |
#24
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Re: True matters of the heart
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Saw you mentioned that you're catholic and brought up marriage counselling. I've been thru couples counselling. Good couple counselling shouldn't be overly biased towards keeping the couple together. Some counsellors push hard to keep the couple together because they feel their job calls for it. However, I've read that good counsellors also explore the possibility of separation. Which brings me to the next point. Two kinds of counselling from the catholic & christian perspective: religion-associated and secular. Suspect the religion-associated one will be bible-based, "spiritually-dense" and might be biased towards keeping the couple together. "What God has joined, let not men separate" kind of concept which is probably not what I personally would want. I went for secular couples counselling and found it more grounded in mainstream psychology and offered practical advice instead of biblical/spiritual advice, the latter I try to avoid.
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Play safe, play another day |
#25
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Re: True matters of the heart
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The bigger problem is that if she is still FL-ing, can you take it? It’s just a job for her whether hj, bj or fj, even if she moans while doing it, making it sound like she is enjoying it. Girls are good at faking orgasm. If you can take it then go for it. No need to divorce and create a mess. If both of you can continue in the relationship, then manage your expectations lah. She might be willing to just stick to hj and only let customers roam her with her clothes on as a compromise? Then for you, you should also stop cheonging right and save your rod for her? Then maybe after a few years when she has saved enough, she can quit the job. Just as we cheongsters remind ourselves that the WL are just interested in our money, the WLs also remind themselves that cheongsters are only interested in their bodies, so it’s natural that both cheongsters and WLs are wary of each other. You need to break through that barrier law. Whether we cheongsters or them WLs, we all are equally tainted lah. So if you really like her and she really like you, then go for it lah. On her off days, go on a date, do things you all like or just spend cuddling up and talking law. This is just general advice. Follow your gut feel law. Every relationship sure got risks one. So many couples apply BTO flats and when almost got it already then break up. Right? Good luck. |
#26
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Re: True matters of the heart
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#27
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Re: True matters of the heart
Wah, your relationship is like mine only mine didn't take 7 years and not at the stage of verbal abuse yet. Sadly, maybe that's the future.
My wife is very controlling, can go extreme if angry (emotionally, not physically) and quite easily offended. She tend to get paranoid and take other people's words in the worst way possible. She used to acknowledge her temper and is aware that when she's angry, she can't control her words, and will be very insulting. But she somehow cannot understand when ppl get offended by her words of anger. I mean, I can tahan more or less, that's why we're together. But now her attitude extends to my side of the family. She lashed out at one of my family, and she doesn't understand how it affects me. Now she doesn't want to have anything to do with my family and this caused my relationship with my family to be strained. Being torn on both sides, it has cast a shadow on our own relationship. Sometimes I feel like we do need counseling, but she refuses too as she feels like counseling is saying she's the problem and she blames everything on my side of the family. Our dynamics is pretty much like yours I think. She controls everything, disregards my opinions mainly because she thinks she's always right, and I was okay to live with that. But the incident above suddenly becomes something I find hard to accept. I've been nothing but the best towards her family, and it's evident because her side really likes me, but she makes no effort and constantly criticises and nitpicks whatever my family does. Anyway, rant too much. But situation might be different, and it's not like I'm in love with someone else, but TS, you're not alone. |
#28
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Re: True matters of the heart
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I have seen many men married to drama queens who died in their 50 or 60s. My own very unscientific conclusion is that on some level, their minds and bodies simply decided to give up on life. |
#29
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Re: True matters of the heart
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Serious: you better take a break from women least like 6 months. The reason why you engage that FL and shower her with $ because you felt used and abused. Not sure about yr social economics status. I would suggest a divorce or least go shopping around for lawyers. Transfer most/all your assets to yr parents . Plan this out for a year. If after a year, if you STILL want to procced with the available info on hand. Prepare yourself, especially if you have children. Long battle ahead. On the side: So arh, I am actually I wanna upgrade taking commercial diver course coz I over 40 with not much job/career prospects. Working PT for a long time now. Can loan me 8K with 10% interest? I pay you back over a period 12 months. Arhaha, just a long shot in the dark. Since got so many people here posting asking for a loan. So, I wanna try my luck If no, just pretend I never ask. |
#30
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Re: True matters of the heart
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Though, it is cheaper to keep her. I think you consider divorce if you can afford. Best is to do shopping around for lawyers. Truth is, you're the enabler and this behaviour will definitely continue into the future. A husband with all the responsibility and NONE of the authority is literally a slave. I don't know why you and lots of men before you just put up with this type of behaviour Alot of SG Chinese married men are henpecked. You may disagree but this is my observation. Women here are a protected class in the peasantry by the Women's charter. They're a means to control married men to keep them compliant and keep working literally to their death. I am not a Muslim nor an Arab. But Islam is definitely right about women. |
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