Now I understand why so many years and this thread still going strong.
Will start to read more.
Cheers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird
Good morning!
I just received the following e-mail from a guru.
This is a familiar story through the ages. It's so sad.
TRUE STORY: DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK
The following story is true. The names have been changed to
protect the innocent.
But there isn't anything that's going to protect YOU from the very
same thing happening in YOUR life unless you deserve what you want
and put to an end any mindset whatsoever that would cause you to
"settle".
Here's the deal.
About two years ago Dudley The Desperado went to a bar, hopefully
to meet some women.
After throwing the proverbial "spaghetti against the wall" to
see what "stuck", lo and behold he got a woman named Mary Meenow
to talk to him.
She gave him her number. He called her and asked her out the
"customary" three days later.
A few weeks went by, and Mary started bugging Dudley about
becoming "exclusive". "Make me your girlfriend or I'm outta
here!", she announced.
After an audible wussy-boy sigh, Dudley The Desperado feverishly
rifled through the file cards in his head but gave in. After all,
it was a heck of a lot easier than going out there trying to meet
someone else, huh?
So Dudley and Mary soldiered on a few more months. Finally,
Mary uttered the inevitable: "Hey my friend told me today that her
boyfriend asked her to marry him, and we've been dating longer than
they have!"
Dudley was flustered and avoided the issue.
But Mary was persistent. Only a couple of days passed by before
she dropped the Weapon Of Mass Destruction: "I've had it with your
non-committal attitude. Either I get a ring from you or I'm
walking. You have five days to think about it."
And so the ultimatum had been issued. Using the exact same logic
he drew from months before, Dudley showed up with a ring four
days later.
Within two weeks they got married in Vega$.
Only a mere thirty days went by before Dudley--a military man--got
orders out to a base 1500 miles away. Mary, who had a son in
school, decided to wait behind for the duration of the six month
deployment rather than pick up and move, only to move back half a
year from now.
Shortly thereafter, she got a call. Dudley was being sent out
to sea for 90 days, during which time any communication would be
all but impossible.
But it was only a month and a half or so before Mary got another
surprise call from Dudley. He had gone through her email account
somehow, and read where she told a friend about having gone
Salsa dancing the other night.
(Note: If you are thinking this whole jigsaw puzzle is missing a
couple of pieces, I'm right there with you.)
Dudley was angry, assumed she must have gotten "frisky" with a
few other guys, branded her a "cheater" and declared that he wanted
a divorce.
Click.
So what happened here?
Well, Mary isn't a cheater. And furthermore, here it is: Dudley
doesn't actually think so either.
It's just that he...well, uh...he sorta hasn't really...um...missed
her a whole lot since he has been gone. It isn't like he even
looks at her picture much.
And he darn skippy didn't use whatever precious Internet access
time he had to email her, let alone mix in a Skype account.
He doesn't love her anymore.
In fact he probably never did.
Worse, he doesn't have the masculine strength to admit it to her,
therefore he scapegoats her with a ridiculous accusation which he
feels offers him a ready-made excuse.
How do I know all this? Simple: men who LOVE their cheating wives
typically respond to discovery of infidelity with hurt and denial
rather than a quick and dirty exit.
The real problem started much earlier in the relationship. He had
settled.
And so did she.
This is what happens when there is no effort made to deserve what
one wants, and two people allow themselves to be okay with
accepting whoever "happens to come along".
By now you may be thinking that if two people settle for each
other, one or the other would probably end up really cheating
eventually rather than simply coming up with lame excuses.
That would seem like an obvious probable outcome from a set-up
like this, wouldn't it?
Indeed, Mary and Dudley did not choose each other. They accepted
each other vis-à-vis circumstance, based on the possibly
self-perceived notion that they didn't have a whole lot of dating
options.
And that feeling was not likely to change after they got together,
was it?
So sure, they may not actively pursue someone else, but if someone
interesting just so happens to show interest in one of the partners
in the relationship, the temptation to cheat could be very strong.
But first, it's THAT partner who would have to come up with some
sort of "excuse" to justify breaking things off to be with someone
else.
That may sound messed up, but remember we're talking about two
"settlers" here. Most of the time, "settlers" aren't used to being
the ones who initiate break-ups, so they tend to be awkward in
their execution.
A couple who settles for each other has already proven that they
both dread the concept of breaking up and "starting all over"
with someone else more than staying together.
So it makes perfect sense that they don't have the guts to face
being the one at fault for the breakup either.
In the example I gave, there's no real way to tell whether Dudley
actually cheated first or is simply sick of being in an
unfulfilling relationship.
But either way, the central point is the same: Things do not end
well for two people who settled for each other. They'll always
wish they had done better.
So the moral of this sad story is that you should absolutely go out
and meet some women, and often--literally anywhere and everywhere
you go. Find out what it is you truly want in a woman BEFORE you
commit to one.
Don't be a Dudley. Deserve what you want and never, ever "settle".
I couldn't agree w/ the guru more.
Improve yourself every day, become the best you can be, and never settle.
Like to comment below. First time I heard "桃园洞 aka Peach Garden Hole (PGH)". Indeed the way you wrote is beautiful too.
A friend of mine told me the same thing, when we are 30 yo we like 18 yo mm and when we aged to 50 yo still like 18 yo. By time we reached 70 to 80 yo still like 18 yo mm. Now that I am older I understand his meaning better.
Mode 1 - first time I read it. Not sure what is is but will try to find out.
After reading I think will be ready for field action.
Thank you bro.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird
Good morning!
Since I started this thread in June of 2009, I hv long realized that picking up KTV gals outside KTVs in SG is not much of a challenge.
I now don't 'pick up' any gals, instead I just want to connect with n MERGE INTO them hahaha. I hv since expanded to other related areas including connecting w/ n merging into any gals anywhere in the world, including non-WLs...n what to do after getting their ctc numbers, etc. There r only two types of women I shun, regardless of how beautiful: 1) Married women n 2) relatives.
My current research focus is on the seldom discussed subject of sexual addiction. No, not yours, but hers. No, not her generic sexual addiction to many different men, but her specific sexual addiction to you and ONLY you. More importantly, not only her sexual addiction, but also her emotional addiction to you, which is THE most powerful. I hv case studies to support my conclusion. And then there is financial addiction which is really quite tenuous n the weakest. What if a richer man comes along?
BTW, attraction precedes addiction.
Hope + Uncertainty = Attraction (Passion)
It behooves a man to remember the above equation, whether he has just met the woman 20 secs ago or he has spent 20 yrs w/ her.
In the past, I had concentrated my efforts on theories, strategies, methods n techniques, but I had very limited field actions when I started this thread...in fact, some esteemed bros had criticized me, appropriately n rightfully, for being "an armchair general" w/ no actual combat experiences. I was like a infant, according to one very esteemed bro.
As with any skill the only way to improve is to practice and practice and practice...I hv done just that hahaha.
In the last several yrs, I hv proposed BY to AVERY gal of my preferred type I hv met n who don't do ST. For gals in SG, about 90% hv accepted my offer, but I hv consummated the deal w/ less than half of them. I just don't hv the time. BTW, if I only BY gals of my type who r uni students/graduates, I'll find close to zero here in SG.
Fortunately, there r many, many uni students/graduates of my type in China. And almost 100% of them hv accepted my offer. But the catch is that I hv to BY them in China. So far only abt 5% hv agreed to come to SG.
The best so far is 23 yo NL, a graduate of a major uni, who is very pretty, 171 w/ B/C boobs n proportionate figure. She is a non-WL who is gainfully employed.
When NL knew that I lived in SG, she wanted to hv nothing to do w/ me. I kept in touch by sending one msg a month. I told her to get a passport, but she ignored me. Later she tried to 'borrow' a little money from me n I flatly rejected her. End of story? Just the opposite. My value shot up n she became more interested...a few wks later, I 'commanded' her to come to SG n she agreed haha.
I always give detailed FRs here, not to be boastful or pat myself on the back, but to illustrate the validity n practicality of my various hypotheses n techniques, which I have gleaned from multiple sources, including scientific papers in peer review journals n writings of many well known gurus. I hv also reported my many failures n egregious mistakes.
I believe that extensive theoretical knowledge n vast hands-on experience (with as many partners as possible) r equally important in connecting w/ n merging into women of your preferred type n making them addicted to u, emotionally n sexually.
But there r prerequisites. Your mindset n self confidence n self mastery, at the subconscious level, will be the most powerful determinants of ur degree of success. Actually, the same principles apply to every field of human endeavor. If for whatever reason you think you're 'not good enough' for any task or any pursue, you hv lost...
Great forum in the past and nothing short of A+ grade.
Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird
Bro MV wants to practice n practice (practise)...good for him!
Could a man become a world class neurosurgeon w/o hands on clinical practice? Do u think he could suddenly become a master who could give women extended massive orgasms (EMO) w/o any practice?
BTW, it's absolutely essential to give women regular PVO. In addition to pre-penetration orgasms to 'prime the pump,' correct sexual positions, penetration angles n movements, a man's ablity to last at least 10-15 min is the key to giving her PVO.
Is regular PVO enough to get her sexually addicted to u and only u? No, by itself it's not enough. You must anchor her intense pleasure during PVO specifically to you and only u hahaha. Hint: Start by giving her a nick that no one else knows, not even her mom haha.
A word of warning. If u are successfully in getting ur type of girls emotionally n sexually addicted to u and u don't hv any KC for them, very soon u will be bored w/ them. They will become clingy n desperate n it could be very difficult to get rid of them. That is when ur nightmare begins. Some of them might become homicidal and/or suicidal...don't do it on the wrong girls! Try to make it a win-win situation.
Bro deathnitez brought up the subject of not giving any money to women. It should work well for for non-WLs. But you usually must spend some money to get WLs in bed, at least initially.
IMHO, a man should not give any extra money or buy gifts for their women unless they hv earned it. Say no to them whenever it's appropriate to do so. Do not care abt what they think or how they will react. They can take it or leave it. Actually saying no and ignoring them increase their attraction for him.
BTW, NL is trying to KC me. She has given me the best compliment I hv ever received. Knowing that I was BY-ing two other girls, she asked me 3 days ago if I was well to do. I replied: 什么算富有呢，she said: 我感觉你素质很高，不像国内的有钱人. To get the ball rolling, I hv just given her a western name haha.
Beauty is inner self. Many times without make-up some gals looked really ugly even if they were Fan Bingbing or any first class beauty. Reason why some gals prefer not to meet anyone without make-up.
Will try to post more comments.
Thank you.
Bro, tks.
Very few girls look pretty w/o any makeup.
A kaki Dr T who frequents PC joints told me this true story. About 3 months ago, his good kaki CH was enamored w/ a singer at a PC joint. I'm acquainted w/ CH but don't know him well. T considered this singer old and unattractive.
Bro CH had spent about $50-60K in a month or so, w/o even 'smelling her panties,' according to T. Then a shocking event happened.
One night the singer forgot her purse, after sitting w/ bro CH at the joint. The next day, bro CH happened to be very close to the condo where this woman lived. It was around 1 pm. He called, woke her up n wanted to return the purse. She rushed down in her pajamas n went to his car to get her purse. She looked so old and fugly that he didn't recognize her at first...
He immediately felt sick and 'nauseated.' Couldn't even sleep that night. She texted n called him many times over the next few days, but he didn't even 'dare' to reply...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cordycep
Bro WB
Agreed with you that we all are human and makes mistakes. Is okay to fail and make mistakes but we learned in the process.
Rashomon (1950), Effect alwas true.
If anyone accepts the motto of "Morally Upright" then he will be respected and excellent integrity.
Morals are hard to teach and those who dun have will be easy to judge. Often they will be in trouble and may break the law.
Hope to comment more if come across interesting facts.
Thank you.
Bro, tks.
Watch the movie.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cordycep
The above is really shiok!! After dick shot and gal willing to lick suck will be best. The feeling will be exactly what bro described above.
Just like JAV.
Bro, yes, very shiok.
I love to do 69 w/ my young LPs. I make sure they wash thoroughly. For the first few months, TY would say 很不好意思, now she can't get enough...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flumish
I would like to thank bro WB too for this bestest thread in sbf.
Cheers.
Bro, thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by scoundred
Very true, all human makes mistakes. Most important is to learn from mistakes and not to brush off as an honest mistake.
Have a good week ahead.
Bro, tks.
It's ok to make mistakes. Learn from them n don't repeat them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstPrice
To me it is sure better than JAV.
Yeah, it's great.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldlining
Bro WB
Thank you for your beautiful thread.
Like to comment below. First time I heard "桃园洞 aka Peach Garden Hole (PGH)". Indeed the way you wrote is beautiful too.
A friend of mine told me the same thing, when we are 30 yo we like 18 yo mm and when we aged to 50 yo still like 18 yo. By time we reached 70 to 80 yo still like 18 yo mm. Now that I am older I understand his meaning better.
Mode 1 - first time I read it. Not sure what is is but will try to find out.
Hope to read on this beautiful thread.
Cheers.
Bro, thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldlining
Bro WB
After reading your beautiful post below, I shall have more sexual confidence.
Like the page 3 be confident. Usually when can be alone and strip down naked usually she wants it then.
Hope to read more positive guidelines.
Cheers.
What a great compliment and confirmation!
Bro, tks.
If a man has no sexual confidence, his girls/women will leave him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRickyLau
Support great thread and thanks.
Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by balenciaga
Bro WB
Support you for this nice thread.
Now I understand why so many years and this thread still going strong.
Will start to read more.
Cheers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theout
Agree that Bro WB wrote it in a beautiful way.
Thanks for this amazing thread.
Cheers.
Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodBless
Same, I have more sexual confidence too.
Strip naked together with two FBs and have MFF.
Hoping to learn more from Bro WB.
Have a nice day.
Bro, tks.
You're doing great!
Cheers to all samsters,
Bro WB
__________________
Minimum 8 points for exchange, effective 25/1/22. Thanks!
“知彼知己, 百战不殆。"
得失随缘，心无增减。活在当下， 分秒感恩。
I accept whatever is happening to me at this moment. I'm relaxed, self-assured, happy, thankful, and at peace NOW.
After reading I think will be ready for field action.
Thank you bro.
Bro, tks.
Not sure why I missed your posts earlier.
I now know that if a girl is in love w/ a man, she is emotionally and sexually addicted to him.
According to a guru/scientist, erotic desire leads to love, not the other way around. A woman will almost never fall in love with you unless she feels that basic, physical desire for you first.
Attraction + Obstacles = Addiction (Love)
Quote:
Originally Posted by balenciaga
Practice makes perfect.
Great forum in the past and nothing short of A+ grade.
Thank you.
Bro, thanks. You hv made my day!
Cheers!
Bro WB
__________________
Minimum 8 points for exchange, effective 25/1/22. Thanks!
“知彼知己, 百战不殆。"
得失随缘，心无增减。活在当下， 分秒感恩。
I accept whatever is happening to me at this moment. I'm relaxed, self-assured, happy, thankful, and at peace NOW.
After reading so much of your thread gave me the courage to try asking gals for fun. Thanks to your thread helping to put more confidence to me.
Now I understand your love for syt around 18 to 20 yearl old median age after reading the guru post below. Also many brothers write about when men grew older we still like gals aged 18 to 21 yo.
A friend told me love to see gals grew old and penniless. While they are young they tried to hang their youth and beauty of the high pedestal. Not knowing they grew older and aged faster.
This is a masterpiece thread and priceless in my opinion.
Keep it up and let's keep the thread going strong more good years.
Cheers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird
Good afternoon!
If you're thinking of a long-term legally committed RS (aka marriage) w/ ur dream gal, you must proceed w/ extreme caution. Don't base ur decisions on emotions. You must think it through n analyze the future RS logically.
IMHO, you should read the e-book "How To Be The Jerk Women Love" before going to ROM...it'll be a win-win situation for both of u.
I just received a msg from another guru:
The Truth About Women Beauty - Why you hold the cards
Hey Bro warbird,
A woman peaks is in her early twenties. (He is referring to her good looks and physical attractiveness.)
I want you to always keep that in mind.
A woman PEAKS is in her early twenties.
No matter how hot or cute you think she is right now, her beauty
and attractiveness will always go down after that...................................
A lot of women are delusional about the fact that a man should love
them for what's inside.
........................................
Not understanding that, for a man, visual is very
important--regardless of how much he loves his partner.
A lot will hide behind the fact that they had kids.
Or that it's just natural to be less attractive as you grow older.
...........................................
Have an great day!
Mr Guru
I also came across this msg on a guy's blog from Gotham (I hv taken the liberty of doing some editing for obvious typos):
As I have said, most males are attracted to 13-28 year old women, so some men will prefer 14-15 year olds while others covet late twenty women. But men's sexual preference is probably shaved like a standard Gauss Bell, being the median at around 20 and the main preference at around 17-24. Sexual preference for prepubescent girls under 12/13 is definitively deviant, but so is probably also strong sexual attraction towards women over 35. Women over 35 can probably give men satisfaction by being an analogous substitute, by being pretty similar to the real thing. Women in the 35-45 age bracket can also be attractive if their appear younger and still fertile.
Also, most historic records clearly show that girls have always started menstruating at around 11-12. In Roman times, women married at the ages of 13-15 and gave perfectly healthy babies. Its true that during famines and severe malnutrition girls can retard their menarche until the age of 14-15, but that is the exception, not the rule. During medieval times the roman catholic church set a minimum age of 12 for consummation of marriage, because women were ready back then too. That girls used to menstruate at 16 or 17 is a feminist lie. It is also a feminist lie that pregnancies for women in their midteens are risky. Teen pregnancies are only risky if the mother is under 14 or severely underdeveloped for her age. Argentine girls btw look younger than their US counterparts, because they are smaller and skinnier.
There is an obvious reason why most men would prefer a 16 year old over an 28 year old if they were free of their cultural and legal bounds by the way, because of the fecundity POTENTIAL.
A 28 year old wife will pop out at most probably 2-3 kids, having her most fertile years behind her, whereas a 16 year old bride will easily pop out 7-8 children and have her best years before her.
I guess I'm a very average (or should I say median) male for preferring gals aged 18 to 24 hahaha.
I hv more FRs on my recent personal connection w/ gals of my type which I'll post here when I hv the time.
Actually i can't agree more with WB shared theory about early 20 is the peak.... with make up they look damn heavenly but when without some are like OMFG!!!! exp before not a good thing.... but there are still rare gems out there which still looks heavenly when they are at their early 30s..... lol
Another bro agreed with us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapricornAscend
Hi Warbird,
Interesting posts by you. I theorize, hypothesize and put them into test in my free time too
In addition to awesome self confidence/mastery, a man needs a super positive mindset plus the right strategies n techniques to become very good w/ women. Of course he must be physically n emotionally very fit and he also has to practice diligently...
The challenge is to get a young, pretty SYT of ur type sexually n emotionally addicted to you. But make sure she has good self esteem n is physically/emotionally healthy. She must be someone who doesn't hv a deprived/neglected childhood n who is not the addictive type. Otherwise you could get into a lot of troubles.
Wishing everyone here a happy, healthy n prosperous Lunar New Year!
Have to agree this is indeed a masterpiece thread.
Thanks Bro WB!
Quote:
Originally Posted by okinawaisland
Bro WB
After reading so much of your thread gave me the courage to try asking gals for fun. Thanks to your thread helping to put more confidence to me.
Now I understand your love for syt around 18 to 20 yearl old median age after reading the guru post below. Also many brothers write about when men grew older we still like gals aged 18 to 21 yo.
A friend told me love to see gals grew old and penniless. While they are young they tried to hang their youth and beauty of the high pedestal. Not knowing they grew older and aged faster.
This is a masterpiece thread and priceless in my opinion.
Keep it up and let's keep the thread going strong more good years.
Agreed with many brothers and TS here that some girls without makeup really looks fugly. Can vomit type thinking you just kiss her. Worst she wakes up next morning besides you and you cannot even recognized her.
Great post from your GURU.
Yucks Yucks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird
Hi dear bros,
I hv alluded to the fact that Fang Bing Bing is homely w/o makeup.
I like to share the following e-mail from an Ang Moh guru.
Could it possibly be true that the women you see
as "beautiful" or even "sexy" really AREN'T?
IS SHE REALLY AS HOT AS SHE SEEMS?
By now you know how strongly I believe that women really go for
guys who do the best with what they've got.
It really isn't as much about genetic looks, etc. as it is about making an
effort when it comes to grooming, hygiene and having some
semblance of a sense of style.
Well, today I'm going to prove that to you in a way that may
completely blindside you and leave you in a state of shock.
Are you ready for this?
The phenomenon at play here is NOT gender specific. And I can
prove it.
A couple of weeks ago I was in line at the grocery store when I
noticed the cover of one of the tabloid rags.
As they often do, they showed some pictures of celebrities without
makeup...as caught by paparazzi.
What was unusual about this particular cover was that one of the
pictures carried the caption, "Guess who?" even though the photo
wasn't obscured in any way at all.
You couldn't even tell who the chick was.
I was somehow reminded of a feature I saw in GQ magazine years and
years ago where they took bums off the street and gave them
complete "makeovers". The before and after pics were nothing
short of startling. You had to look really, really closely to
believe they were of the same guy.
You've heard the old joke about taking a woman home and waking up
next to someone else entirely the next morning...but there really is
some truth to that.
And the truth lies in the fact that women--even more so than
men--really do attract us physically by doing the best with what
they've got.
The simple fact that they've got makeup and more ways to
"accessorize" than we do should make that pretty obvious, actually.
Nevertheless, my challenge to you is this: The next time you find
a woman particularly sexy, go ahead and try to look BENEATH her
stylish threads, her hairstyle, her makeup and even her personality
type.
Would this woman still be as HOT and SEXY to you if she didn't have
all of that going for her?
In other words, how much of her allure is 100% within her personal
control?
For better or worse, I happened to go to college in central
Pennsylvania, and there were plenty of Mennonite girls who were
students there. If you're unfamiliar with what I'm talking about,
the level of conservatism they adhere to is just a rung or two
above "Amish".
One day in class when I was particularly bored, I perhaps
accidentally performed the exercise I'm suggesting to you in
reverse.
My eyes turned to a Mennonite girl in a white cap and nondescript
light blue dress on the other side of the room. She had no makeup
on, of course, and her blonde hair was fixed in a bun like some
sort of "school marm".
Suddenly, as if I had been looking at one of those "stereogram"
pictures that were popular about ten years ago, I realized she was
an absolutely gorgeous girl.
I imagined her with long hair, a Benetton sweater and Guess jeans
(hey, it was the late '80s) and nearly flew out of my seat.
"Geez...what a waste", I thought.
Well, a TON of women are VERY, VERY well acquainted with the
dynamic I'm talking about here. And plenty of them have literally
MASTERED the art of working it to their advantage.
Seriously, a number of women you may perceive as "hot" aren't
really all that physically beautiful. But yes...they do the best
with what they've got.
A few years ago I featured a young woman on one of my promo videos
for you guys. Hundreds of you went nuts over her.
Shortly thereafter, I saw her again at an event and was talking to
her when I got a jolt in the OPPOSITE direction that I'd
experienced back in my college class.
It dawned on me that if she had no style, no makeup, used some sort
of shampoo that didn't make her hair so shiny and didn't have such
a "giggly" personality; she'd actually be sort of homely.
Truth be told, that wasn't the first time I'd ever come to such a
realization. I've worked closely with at least two other women
back in the IT world who guys were literally CRAZY about...but who
when you got right down to it were physically pretty ugly.
And yes...style, personality and shiny hair won out over genetics in
their case also.
Go ahead and put what I'm saying to the test with a few women in
your social circle. And when you've seen the light, go ahead and
readily apply the logic you've verified to YOUR OWN situation.
Likewise, do the best with what you've got and prepare to be
SHOCKED by the real, tangible difference it all makes.
Braggadocio - a word never even heard of. Think I have more to learn here.
3) Offering Unsolicited Advice - Hmm really couldn't disagree more but I think I had made this mistake.
Thank you for a great post.
Hope to read more.
Cheers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird
Good evening!
Yesterday I received the following email re 3 terrible social habits which we all hv to a varying degree.
These are signs of deep rooted insecurities and inferiority complex.
3 SELFISH SOCIAL HABITS TO AVOID
Today I'm going to share with you something that's going to seem
VERY basic on the surface--almost bare-bones.
But even though we may understand the fundamental basics of what
I'm going to talk about at the instinctive gut-felt level,
relatively few guys walking this Earth really get it right in
real-world interactions with others--men OR women.
Here's the thing: Even though we know we should always GIVE more
than we TAKE during the course of social interactions, a shocking
number of guys in particular just can't seem to help
themselves...they've just GOT to be at least a little selfish.
And that's disastrous because coming off as selfish in social
situations means you might as well beat your chest and blatantly
proclaim your neediness to everyone around you.
Even subtle self-serving indications cause others to find someone
more important to talk to--in droves.
Here are three areas were MASSIVE faux pas tend to occur:
1) Braggadocio
Years ago a country preacher named Jim Rayburn said, "People don't
care how much you know until they know how much you care." Truer
words have never been spoken.
Believe me when I tell you that nothing in this whole wide world is
more BORING to a listener than being asked to endure your endless
droning on about how excellent you are.
Yes, I understand the temptation to expedite the process by which
the whole world is aware of your many exploits and accomplishments.
But you'll most certainly enjoy more warmly felt accolades from a
wider cross-section of your social circle if you let SOMEONE ELSE
tell the stories.
Give them room to be amazed on their own. It'll work out better
for you in the long run...I promise.
2) Showing Off
Do you feel the need to demonstrate to people how good you are at
stuff?
And what if someone else shows some talent? Must you really hog
the spotlight and prove to everyone around you how your prowess
exceeds that of the other person?
If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, you're absolutely,
positively coming off as LESS cool to everyone you know than you
think.
In other words, you're a douche. By definition.
Don't be that guy. Go ahead and celebrate someone else getting a
bit of recognition in the moment. The time will come--perhaps in
the next friggin' five minutes, if you can just hold your
horses--when someone else will acknowledge your talents as well.
And even if that DOESN'T come to pass, rest assured that your quiet
resolve to remain cooler than any other needy guys around you will
ALWAYS pay rich dividends in the long run.
3) Offering Unsolicited Advice
I have to tell you that this is by FAR the toughest one for me to
avoid personally.
After all, I see guys all around me BLOWING it with women all the
time. All. The. Time.
But life experience has told me that I can throw down the most
smokin' dating tips in the world to someone who did NOT ask me for
them and they'll go 100% unheeded. In fact, I'll probably be
resented for offering to help.
Don't be fooled. When you try to give advice to someone who didn't
ask for it, it's only going to bug them to no end that you opened
your big mouth.
Amazingly, you can even preface unsolicited advice in any way you
want--including humility and/or a straightforward acknowledgment
that you already realize you're being obnoxious--and it will yet be
met with indifference, if not utter hostility.
Come to think of it, I reconnected with an old friend from high
school on Facebook recently. The first thing he did was ask me if
I was married and how many kids I had. The next thing he did was
offer unsolicited marriage and parenting advice.
I'm realizing as I'm typing this that I haven't bothered to chat
with him again since. What I'm telling you is no joke.
The only viable exception to the rule of withholding unsolicited
advice is when it's truly a matter of life and death. If someone
is about to do something mortally stupid and you know better, then
it's definitely time to step in. Who cares how you look socially
in that case, right?
Bragging, showing off and unsolicited advice are all under the same
umbrella, actually...and it's all about lack of empathy and lack of
concern for others (in other words, selfishness).
So how about it? Can you bite your tongue when it comes to social
selfishness and lead others to feel comfortable talking about
themselves instead?
It may take some serious doing at first, but as you get used to it
I'm positive you'll find that others around you--perhaps
ironically--find you to be a FAR more interesting person.
20-11-2018, 05:30 PM
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