Marriage Advice Needed - Posted for my friend

jasonng · #1 09-02-2008, 06:22 PM

Dear all, I am posting on behalf of a brother here, I have been talking to him over the New Year and felt for him. Give him my comments and appreciate fellow bros to chip in.

Our Bro, let's call him Larry. Larry was married to his wife (ROM) in July last year. He loves his wife and that's why he proceeded with the ROM even though his future-mother-in-law didn't like him. He believe he can win her over and most important it is his wife he marries not the MIL.

Over the past few months, his wife has refused to consumate the marriage and also refuse intimacy. Poor guy, he even has to beg for intimacy. This new year, his mother bought goodies for his in-laws, the other party returned every single thing back, he dun even dare to tell his mother.

His wife fails to understand the pressure he is having, and adds on to it. She demands for shopping etc even though she knows he is backlogged in both work and studies. He is really really unhappy and is thinking of filing for annulment of marriage on the ground of non-consummation owing to wilful refusal. He still loves her but he really do not see a future, imagine having to beg for sex.

I feel for him...

Appreciate fellow bros who can advice. Please do not make unnecessary remarks. I think he is quite a poor thing already.

change1012 · #2 09-02-2008, 06:48 PM

Bro, according to the story of your friend, I wonder if his wife really love him. How come they ROM and she refuse to consumate the marriage. Your friend even have to BEG for intimacy. Than why did she married your friend. She just want him to go shopping?
I guess your friend love is a ONE sided affair. Why must your friend suffer, there are so many trees around. Its never too late to annul the marriage and start looking for a better life partner.
Just my humble opinion.

CoolBlack · #3 09-02-2008, 07:08 PM

This is not how marriage suppose to be.
If such things happens now while the marriage is still new....trust me, it will be much worst if it drags on.

Advice your friend to look for someone who would really love him back.

BTW, dont ever think that things might imrpove through time and being together more...it wont. I am a living example.

Just my 2cents.

Xdecepticon · #4 09-02-2008, 07:19 PM

Hm..Love indeed is Blind. Marriage indeed opens our eyes.

Ask your friend to let it go. Annul the marriage. I bet hes still young. Go look for another wife...

If she really belong to him, she will come back to him...one day. (My siggy

)

Fuckster · #5 09-02-2008, 07:20 PM

I think my opinion is straight to the point ----- Divorce

hotsoup16 · #6 09-02-2008, 07:28 PM

bro,
we, as the outsiders could only advice what is best interest for yr friend. In the end of the day, yr friend had to decide for himself

kylietsang · #7 09-02-2008, 07:42 PM

I would go ahead and annul the marriage if i were him.
If she decides to divorce him later, he will have to pay her alimony.
Offense is the best defense - annul the marriage and save more money

CherryBoy · #8 09-02-2008, 07:58 PM

Dont drag,since right now is only feb,as long less rom last than a year,ur friend can annul marriage and his status will still remain as single.Why waste time on her and family?

sexcrazed · #9 09-02-2008, 08:16 PM

Sigh...

Sad to hear such a thing is happening. Actually this also happened to one of my relatives. ROM already then you find out all the nasty stuff about the other family, regardless of whether male or female. Whether she gives it to you after the ROM is a subjective thing, as the Chinese believe that you are only really married after the traditional tea ceremony and dinner. That might be one of the reasons why the girl is rejecting him and giving in only after much begging.

I would say the best way is to end everything mutually and both sides lead their separate lives again. After all, are you sure that her parents will accept you with open arms now that they have gone to the extent of returning gifts that you have bought for them. It will be a never ending thing and your friend will have no peace and quiet.

Sure it takes two to create a mess so maybe your friend should also sit with some close friends with neutral views and sort out on why this has happened in the first place. I'm sure that there are some warning signs that should have surfaced from the start of the relationship that your friend has failed to notice or even worse, turn a blind eye to with the hope that love will solve all the problems at the end.

Personally, I think annulling the marriage should be a fair enough deal for both parties. No one has made any big loss so far and this relationship should be rather easy to end compared to when there is no chance of annulment and the financial aspect of divorce comes into play. Remember, marriage is mostly about two parties agreeing to spending their lives together, rather that one side giving in to the other just to try to make things seem right. It still takes two make it a success or failure at the end of the day.

Hope I didn't bore the rest of the bros here.

Cheers!

wsa98 · #10 09-02-2008, 09:50 PM

Larry must be still in 20s or early 30s.

No bullet, how to shoot !!

Take my advise, leave this gal and better concentrate on earning more $$$. Have $ will travel more and further. Better future and gal(s) awaiting for you. Maybe Larry will have a foreign gal instead. Why beg when a gal will beg you instead.

I would prefer that !

69kmph · #11 09-02-2008, 10:06 PM

Larry should ask himself the following questions :-

(1) Given that he now knows what he has gotten himself into, aside from him loving her, what does he EXPECT from the marriage?

(2) Following on from (1), does he think there is a fit between him and his wife (and her family), going forward

(3) Lastly, as it is often the case in life, having answered (1) and (2) above, can he ACCEPT the entire situation (ie. it's a package deal)

If he can accept it, then carry on with life as it is

If he cannot accept it, the answer is pretty obvious, isn't it?

Remember: it is a package deal.

Nothing in life is perfect, else it is heaven.

Tai_zi21 · #12 09-02-2008, 11:37 PM

It always take 2 hands to clap....

But how long can ur friend endure this type of r/s?

长痛不如短痛

End this before it get worse

Thom07 · #13 09-02-2008, 11:51 PM

IMHO, Larry should just annulled the marriage. I really feel sad for him. I believe that the lady is taking advantage of him only. It is her loss to lose such a great partner.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wsa98

...Maybe Larry will have a foreign gal instead. Why beg when a gal will beg you instead.

I would prefer that !

Somehow, I find your comments to be rather offensive and degrading to foreign ladies.

What makes you think that foreign gal will 'beg'?

Relax, I wouldn't zap you cos everyone has his/her own view.

Hooters666 · #14 10-02-2008, 12:11 AM

Pls tell Larry to fuck it and annul marriage...Better for the long run...There are plenty of good ladies out there...All the best to him.

CyberRod · #15 10-02-2008, 02:42 AM

Hi Bro,

It takes lots of balls to consider or make such a move but I feel it's absolutely necessary... I shd have file it earlier too as I'm also a living example...

Marriage shd be a happy affair for both parties with pressure nor unhappiness. If this happens right from the start, I strongly suggest that your fren to annul the marriage...

As for me, the happiest thing I have now is only my lovely daughter... Everything things else is dead...