Advice needed, conversations with wife/gf

[Kenny87]

Found my answer.

[VielSpass]

Originally Posted by Kenny87

I really want to know.. what runs through your mind..

I am not married but do you still love him? Ask yourself is he the guy you want and can give you what you want? If you really love him then accept him for who he is....if not....find another...perhaps you need to seperate for a while and think carefully...

[aczeta76]

My feel is that Both of you need to have a realistic and Long term look at your future.

My gut feel is that he feels that you have too high expectations and he is avoiding trying in case he fails and it becomes a self fufilling cycle.

A mutual Friend may be able to tease out more of the underlying matters than you get from brute force asking.

I am not sure how old he is or you are so perhaps if you tell me more..I could help Guess.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Woman are really problem....so emotional and think so much nonsense...

[Kenny87]

- found my answer

[hugs]

ts, did u use your heart to know a person or with your eyes? i'm just curious what exactly is emotional conversation to you? emotional and intelligence conversation. what is that to you? how do u define that? is holding hands means it is emotional? i believe everyone will respond, once they feel you are not faking, once they feel you are sincere. i am just suspecting that when you held his hand and found him not responding until you get angry, he was actually responding. he was responding in his own way. but you dont understand it. do you agree that he is different from you? do you agree that since he is different from you, he has his own way of responding? you said he is hardworking. but you find him not clever enough. are you regretting now? do you think he can feel your regrets? do you think he is responding to your regrets emotionally but you just didnt notice his despair? do you believe that he actually loves you but because he loves you, your regret is hurting him and he choose to withdraw into his shell whenever you hold his hand? in case you hurt him even more when you try to come close to his heart? look from his point of view sometimes. anyway is just my 2 cents opinion. dont listen to me if you find me totally wrong k? i apologise to you in advance if i said something wrong.

now having said that, every woman knows that most men are dumb in the 'feeling' dept right? so perhaps you need to communicate with him? let him know that he can learn how to make emotional connection with you? and how he can tickle your emotion in the way you like? but dont be a drama queen. not like that.

[numbahtoo]

he is lazy but he got reason.

you say he got pschool edicatetion and past not clean one so he is aware of what he can do and what he is stuck in.

try talking and suggesting work lobang or something, get admission forms or uber driving application etc make him take it up. if you want to take the lead then lead him all hte way mah.

next time something happen to you you down and out or depress he will step up for you one de.

you love him you might not realise it but i think he knows you are his most prized possession - if you donch mind me saying you are a thing but still precious anyways hor

HAPPY NEW YEAR HUAT HUAT EVERYBURDIE!

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Kenny87

He earns less than 2K a month. His company is going bankrupt and he is going to lose his job in a month's time. He is the only son with 2 very old parents who is not working and has a multitude of sickness and barely any insurance. the only skill that he has is driving. He doesnt want to work in restaurant or do office job. His educational level is low, and his past is not clean. If he ever loses his health or his driving license, he literally has 0 options left.

It appears that you have married a loser which a mistake on your part when you made the decision.

You either have to accept the fact that you made a poor choice and live with it or you can cut your losses and look for a winner.

I have never witnessed a loser turning into a winner because one's attitude towards life is pretty much hardwired into the brain circuits. It is possible to motivate a loser for short periods of time but the person will soon default back to "loser" state.

[HelloAngel]

Your man has some similarities with my ex-hubby. I was more motivated, earned more and did the planning for the family. He did his part by trying his best to provide for the family but when the kid came along, his salary wasn't enough and though he has chances for promotion at work, he declined cos he was contented where he was. Soon, our conversations centered around the kid and household stuffs and I lost the emotional connection. Quarrels started when I wanted him to contribute more to the home, wanted him to improve himself and he asked me help him look for a better job, etc. We went for counseling but it didn't help and he said the counsellor no good. Reason: counsellor didn't agree with his views and told him he only wanted a trophy wife without making effort to provide for her. We finally separated 4yrs ago. I am happier and my kid stays with me.

I understand how you feel when you are more driven and living with a contented guy. Sadly, everyone has a limit and it's okay if you don't have a child. Once you do, your expectations goes higher and it can be an issue. If you really want your marriage to work, you got to talk to him about your insecurities and suggest ways to help him. Perhaps recommending job openings to him, sharing your future plans with him, etc. But character is kinda inborn and he needs to change his attitude too. Otherwise it's very tough. Good luck!

[squiggle]

You have 2 options, either you yourself become the main breadwinner, while he can do all kinds of saikang that he wants/becoming a house husband at home or you leave him for your future children and your own good.

Is fine that people can live a simple life without becoming a business man or management position in his/her career. But must have at least a degree and work for a decent income that more than 2.5k and above. Nobody will come help you/owning you a living, especially in SG. 10 years down the road even 2k for singles will not be enough. You can be lazy, but for the sake of your family you have no choice but to be ambitious (the society will force you to become/doing things that you don't want also cannot.).

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by aczeta76

My feel is that Both of you need to have a realistic and Long term look at your future.

My gut feel is that he feels that you have too high expectations and he is avoiding trying in case he fails and it becomes a self fufilling cycle.

A mutual Friend may be able to tease out more of the underlying matters than you get from brute force asking.

I am not sure how old he is or you are so perhaps if you tell me more..I could help Guess.

Bro, wish you Gong Xi Fa Cai...long time no see you post...

[Johnbass]

Originally Posted by Kenny87

Im married to a guy.. who seems to be.. emotionally detached. Sex is good.

I can see the problem... You all cannot?
Kenny should not marry a guy lah...

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by Kenny87

be in my shoes and then tell me if im thinking of nonsense or worrying for nothing.

He earns less than 2K a month. His company is going bankrupt and he is going to lose his job in a month's time. He is the only son with 2 very old parents who is not working and has a multitude of sickness and barely any insurance. the only skill that he has is driving. He doesnt want to work in restaurant or do office job. His educational level is low, and his past is not clean. If he ever loses his health or his driving license, he literally has 0 options left.

I am expected to figure out a way to make sure that everyone has food on the table now and in the future. If you can find a solution for me and help me figure this out, I will gladly stop worrying.

8 years is a long time...I assume you have no kids...7 years itch will tickle either party...

children is the motivation for any marriage...parents can go hungry but kids cannot...with kids around parents motivated to earn money for them...

love itself cannot lasts...love also cannot eat...a married couple cannot just look at each other long without kids as bonding...

if your hubby Singaporean, then he has skillfuture credits and whatever gahmen schemes to get re-education or training to work in other fields...just do it...no other choice...unless you chose the worst of action that is separation which can be painful for both...

I believed what goes up will come down and what comes down will go up...both of you still long way to go in future...^^

[Johnbass]

Originally Posted by 55055

WTF... You can always PM him. But instead you hijacked TS thread. "Long time no see you post" WTF English you're using? Go re learn back your English as you per suggested to me.

Now you stop posting at your own thread? So you scammed enough for your retirement?

Not happy zap him lor...
But instead you hijacked TS thread...

[semens88]

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. You say his strength is driving, why not ask him sign up uber and if he is hardworking, uber can make good money if he do night shift. His strength is in the "doing" not the "thinking", so when u agreed to marry him, did u think about his strength? You also say Sex is good with him so he must be doing something right. Intellectual conversations, you can get it here or from friends or coworkers. You want him to be clever but having 2 leaders in the household may not work, it's like having 2 heads constantly arguing about which plan is better. It's your role now to do the thinking and pushing for him and him to do the "doing" unless he does not want to even do the doing, in which case then it is his problem. Also don't expect him to be cleverer because intellect and mental motivation need to be cultivated from a young age and once this period of cultivation is over, it is very hard to expect it when one is older. Try to Lower your expectations on him and instead focus oh leveraging his strengths to earn more money.