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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. This section is sponsored by Yakuza.

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  #1  
Old 16-06-2013, 05:53 PM
shaggyfuck shaggyfuck is offline
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confused

Should I walk away from a stale marriage or stay and work things out.

Stressed at work lately and the lack of support made me sit up and take stock on what i really should look for in life. I want a partner who respects my decision and not controls my decisions.
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  #2  
Old 16-06-2013, 11:22 PM
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Re: confused

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Originally Posted by shaggyfuck View Post
Should I walk away from a stale marriage or stay and work things out.

Stressed at work lately and the lack of support made me sit up and take stock on what i really should look for in life. I want a partner who respects my decision and not controls my decisions.
Since you married the gal, it means you loved her and was able to communicate with her before. Establish whats the problem and nib it before it gets worse.
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  #3  
Old 17-06-2013, 07:17 PM
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Re: confused

Bro, I'm facing the same problem as you. I'm also growing bored of this marriage but I'm holding onto it tightly. I think a lot too but at the end of the day, I always conclude that I still love her. And at a point of time, she is exactly what I wanted. So I'll always use this as something for me to hold on to. Work hard and work things out. Nobody's perfect. Don't make a rash decision when you're too stressed up or angry, you might regret it. (:
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Old 18-06-2013, 05:58 AM
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Re: confused

How long have you been married to feel this way?
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Old 18-06-2013, 11:41 PM
shaggyfuck shaggyfuck is offline
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Re: confused

10 years of marriage.
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  #6  
Old 19-06-2013, 12:10 AM
mustachio mustachio is offline
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Re: confused

I've been around for a while. The marriage will get stale if you don't preserve it properly. Don't take each other for granted, try and make time and actually say how much your wife, the marriage and family mean to you. I made this mistake and don't wish to see any brother make this mistake. I don't wish to see another SBF brother's marriage bit the dust.
Never let a vicious cycle develop for that will undo your marriage for sure. You married for better or for worse.
If you cannot talk things out, seek professional counselling to work things out. It is more worthwhile paying a counsellor than a lawyer! Though many SBF brothers are experts but still nothing beats getting professional help.
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  #7  
Old 19-06-2013, 01:51 PM
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Re: confused

Remember those good times where both of you enjoying each other? Job can always look for a new one, but not that someone you have love so much...If you miss it, you missed it.
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Old 19-06-2013, 10:05 PM
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Re: confused

Hi TS,

Your simple statement bears alot of weight and yet not clear to all. Understood that you are comprehending a stay or leave attitude but there's a lot of questions that left hanging.

Marriage happens for lots of reasons but usually takes one to make it happen. We all believe when you take your vow back then you must have loved her for all your life. If there are kids, then she must have also committed to have a great family with you. So what happened?

That's why I said you left alot of questions hanging.. Is it because of work stress? Is it because of your wife cheat on you? Is it because you cheat on your wife? Is it because of no communications between each other? Is it because of 3rd party?..

You being here to ask a relative question will only yield a relative answer: Stick to your marriage. That is the norm of answer expected of most sane men.. You want a different perspective, tailored view, you will need to provide more info here..

Hope it helps. Cheers!
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  #9  
Old 20-06-2013, 07:25 AM
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Re: confused

It's a combi of some: work stress; lesser communication; she does not bother to even listen. Its always her way/thinking is right. It was no evident previously, but in recent years I just felt she is just selfish and thinks about her own and not how others will be affected.

I value my freedom to do my own stuff/interests; not being restricted from engaging in hobbies I like. (Not cheonging, even it sounds strange in this forum)
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Old 22-06-2013, 11:13 AM
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Re: confused

This haze is not exactly a crisis; but it showed up something. She has got the masks for.her own parents, ok for me. I managed to get some for my parents, yet have to reduce the numbers so I can give more.

Why is her parents more important? I am really sick of her selfish thoughts.
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  #11  
Old 22-06-2013, 09:30 PM
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Re: confused

Once married, stick with it till death do us apart. Divorce only on the ground of adultery. I once heard of an old American couple who stayed together for many many years. This is a true story. They are being interviewed how they keep their marriage for so long. What's their secrets? And u know what they said? They allow each other to date other people every Friday night. It's like every Friday night is their single night out where they can go out (and have sex) with other people. Then Sat to Thu are inside marriage again. And they did these not at old age but somewhere in their 30s they did this.
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  #12  
Old 23-06-2013, 11:05 PM
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Re: confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by mustachio;$$$$135
I've been around for a while. The marriage will get stale if you don't preserve it properly. Don't take each other for granted, try and make time and actually say how much your wife, the marriage and family mean to you. I made this mistake and don't wish to see any brother make this mistake. I don't wish to see another SBF brother's marriage bit the dust.
Never let a vicious cycle develop for that will undo your marriage for sure. You married for better or for worse.
If you cannot talk things out, seek professional counselling to work things out. It is more worthwhile paying a counsellor than a lawyer! Though many SBF brothers are experts but still nothing beats getting professional help.
I have to agree on this one
TS,dont mind if i share something..
A friend of mine used to have the same issue as yours. She too admitted it got stale after 10 years of marriage but she didnt give up. After putting some thoughts about it,they decided to give it a try and go for the counselling. To their surprised,it did help and it work out fine after a few sessions.

Hope u can give it a try to.
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Old 24-06-2013, 01:13 AM
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Re: confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by shaggyfuck View Post
It's a combi of some: work stress; lesser communication; she does not bother to even listen. Its always her way/thinking is right. It was no evident previously, but in recent years I just felt she is just selfish and thinks about her own and not how others will be affected.

I value my freedom to do my own stuff/interests; not being restricted from engaging in hobbies I like. (Not cheonging, even it sounds strange in this forum)
dude, did you know she was like this (selfish, self-centered) when you married her ? If you did, then you were able to accept her short-comings at that time, so why can't you accept them now ?

If you didn't know then, that means you didn't know her that well. I guess then you'll have to ask yourself if this is the ONLY thing you can't stand? If this is, you can have a heart to heart talk to her, and see if she can change. If she loves you, the fear of losing you could make her change.

If she cannot change, then you'll have to ask yourself if you can ever be happy with her. If you can't be happy, then I think it's better to call it quits. Better cut early, cut cleanly and cut fast. Then at least both of you have another shot at happiness. Otherwise, it's just misery for both of you stuck in a marriage you both can't stand.
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  #14  
Old 27-06-2013, 12:56 PM
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Re: confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by shaggyfuck View Post
It's a combi of some: work stress; lesser communication; she does not bother to even listen. Its always her way/thinking is right. It was no evident previously, but in recent years I just felt she is just selfish and thinks about her own and not how others will be affected.

I value my freedom to do my own stuff/interests; not being restricted from engaging in hobbies I like. (Not cheonging, even it sounds strange in this forum)
r u sure u no cheong ???

married for 10 yrs ??? I presume u shd be in ur 30s den.

tel u bro.. if u keep thinking of the NEGATIVE side of ur wife... dat is it...
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Old 27-06-2013, 01:24 PM
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Re: confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by shaggyfuck View Post
It's a combi of some: work stress; lesser communication; she does not bother to even listen. Its always her way/thinking is right. It was no evident previously, but in recent years I just felt she is just selfish and thinks about her own and not how others will be affected.

I value my freedom to do my own stuff/interests; not being restricted from engaging in hobbies I like. (Not cheonging, even it sounds strange in this forum)
In your earlier days, i presume you've given in to her ... tooooooo much

Now you feel that she has forgotten how to 自动 and you've enough of her shit. Blame who ??? YOURSELF

If you want to keep the marriage, talk to her about your feeling seriously.
Make your stand very clear to her.

FINALLY, not cheonging is your another problem if you have a 母老虎 as your wife ... if you no cheong, you have no place to express the "MAN" in you NO BALANCE liao
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