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  #16  
Old 05-10-2020, 10:25 AM
Stfighter Stfighter is offline
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Re: Do you get bored with your wife/gf?

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Originally Posted by VoicesWithin View Post
Married 20 years. Kids teenagers ady. Still kiss my wife everyday. Hug in morning. Hold hands when out. She is still my gf, lover, wife, parenting partner and companion. So no, i am not bored with her.

I have seen many who have failed in the relationships/marriages. These are the things I have learned from them.

1. Zero down the quarrels. Sure, you want things your way. So does your partner. You win your quarrels, you lose your r/s, period.

2. Absent quarrels, then you can keep the humor and teasing alive.

3. Keep your expectations reasonable. You want an Angelina Jolie face with a Maria Ozawa sex appetite, make sure you can provide like Elon Musk and look like Brad Pitt.

Meaning don't expect anything from each other, including sex for guys romance for gals. You want romance 24/7 for 20 yrs. Your partner wants sex 6 times a day. Where does it end?
Thanks for sharing
  #17  
Old 05-10-2020, 02:29 PM
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Just hope the wife won’t be bored of you first );
  #18  
Old 05-10-2020, 02:44 PM
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Re: Do you get bored with your wife/gf?

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Originally Posted by PandaFluff View Post
One should never get complacent, that will mean inevitable failure no matter what aspect of what you do in life that is the main reason in today society why relationships fail.
You hit the right spot. Complacency is very much alive and present in our society. Singaporeans are very complacent by upbringing and comfort zoning, we cannot stand competition across all levels, that includes work and relationships. Reading up the stories in SBF, how do most affairs come about, it's mainly due to complacency in the other party's partner in failing to keep him/her satisfied and wanted. Why your gf/wife goes around getting screwed by other men, ask yourself, what you have done, is it enough and sufficient. If we strive to get A distinctions in exams, why not do the same in your everyday relationship with gf/wife? In this aspect, we Asians really lose out to ang mor men.
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  #19  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:09 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Originally Posted by need_it View Post
I think in many cases, it is because either one or both parties have taken each other and the relationship for granted. Romantic gestures come easy at the start of the relationship and I think it is normal that the intoxicating feeling eases off after the initial stage. This is the stage where the parties need to inject more efforts not to take the other for granted and to freshen things up. Humble two cents’ worth.
Thanks for sharing, yes once we let it slide it will just go down till a day you wonder why u both end up in tht state where did all the nice gestures went to.
  #20  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:15 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xgenre View Post
As time passes, there is a comfort zone, a sense of familiarity. Familiarity breeds contempt and complacency. Most Singaporean guys are not emotionally expressive. Kissing the wife daily when he reaches home is not common. What are the minimum standards you think are reasonable? I used to think just being there by her side whenever I am needed is enough but that is seen as passive and unromantic. There are many guys who are good at sweet-talking but when a problem arises, they will not be there to take care and solve the issue. Apparently, girls like such sweet talking guys more than Mr Dependable.

We can give you many ideas and steps to take but the first step is always the hardest. Is he still willing to work to keep the romance? If he isn't, then whatever ideas you get here will not work. There is also a chance he will be turned off by what suggestions you give about keeping the romance alive. To you, those ideas are just suggestions. To him, those ideas may seem like requests/demands. If he doesn't love you the way you wished to be loved, will you still be willing to love him as expressively as you do now?

If he is not willing to try and you are not about to give up, then hopefully he will change his thinking over time. I suggest reading up on The 5 Love Languages (go google) and applying it in your life towards him. Hopefully, things get better and the sparks are re-ignited.

This is an anonymous forum. Perhaps you will like to give us some background about yourself and the problems you face. While a solution may not always be found, being able to let your frustration out is also a form of therapy. Some issues are so personal you cannot share with friends and family. Just make sure whatever you share cannot be easily traced back to you. Just a general idea.
Thanks for sharing. My questions aren't really specifically a personal one more like I had my fair share so did many of my female friends and I thot to ask here for some reasons, might help us understand better. And on the topic of Singaporean man not romantic, it isn't really the case. They seems to be fully capable of that no diff to western man I have dated both. Somehow, Singaporean man seems to have this thinking that once the woman is "won", they can let everything slide. Not every Singaporean man of cos but somehow there is this general observation.
  #21  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:20 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jjcoolidge View Post
Hi Driedlemon3, thanks for sharing what must be a very difficult issue for you and many ladies out there. Romance does seem to have an expiration date when the couple get comfortable with each other and other life issues take a higher precedence. It is a reality, but you do not have to be resigned to a relationship devoid of romance, tenderness or even sex.

Men are just as if not more susceptible than ladies to being lulled into a sense of benign contentment in a relationship. It is easy to blame work stress, financial burdens etc. Men just want to be at peace within their household. This sometimes results in a type of emotional detachment by men as they try to de-stress. Men usually are not predisposed to use communication as a de-stress mechanism.

Ladies, being blessed with greater emotional intuition, you are usually the first to detect this 'void.' Talk to your man with honesty and objectivity. Notice i do not use the word 'emotionally.' The surest way to get into an argument with a man is by bringing emotions into the situation. This might sound counterintuitive to ladies, but that's the way a man's brain is wired. Get your man into problem-solving mode and he would be more open to work with you.

Now, to address the elephant in the room. Some men unfortunately do get tired of their partners for a myriad of shallow reasons. Being argumentative, getting out of shape, getting too busy with their professions (yes, lady professionals), or with the kids etc. If honest objective communication can't get you anywhere with him, seek professional help. It's great that you acknowledge you too have a part to play in the solution.
Thanks for sharing, it's really sad that they got tired of their woman. End of day its this same "argumentative", "out of shape", "busy" woman who has gave you your beautiful kids with damage to her body, stand by you thru thick and thin, bring home half the bacon, be there for you to grow old together. Its really hard to find someone you love and love you back. Many bros and sis here have not found that special person yet.
  #22  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:21 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kovovo View Post
Everytime hold her hand she knows I need at least a bj liao. How to be bored?
haha I guess this is you and your wife language of love
  #23  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:22 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VoicesWithin View Post
Married 20 years. Kids teenagers ady. Still kiss my wife everyday. Hug in morning. Hold hands when out. She is still my gf, lover, wife, parenting partner and companion. So no, i am not bored with her.

I have seen many who have failed in the relationships/marriages. These are the things I have learned from them.

1. Zero down the quarrels. Sure, you want things your way. So does your partner. You win your quarrels, you lose your r/s, period.

2. Absent quarrels, then you can keep the humor and teasing alive.

3. Keep your expectations reasonable. You want an Angelina Jolie face with a Maria Ozawa sex appetite, make sure you can provide like Elon Musk and look like Brad Pitt.

Meaning don't expect anything from each other, including sex for guys romance for gals. You want romance 24/7 for 20 yrs. Your partner wants sex 6 times a day. Where does it end?
Great wisdom there, not many could rationalize this way especially point 3
  #24  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:23 PM
EtherC EtherC is offline
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Re: Do you get bored with your wife/gf?

Love is just Nature’s chemical cocktail in your brain that lasts abbout 3 yrs or so. After that the passion fades if there is no work done by 2 parties. Your brain can only afford to be so illogical for so long. If you keep up the romance , kindness & mystery it will help lubricate the attrittion. When you have a kid,both male & female brain changes again to safekeep & raise the child. As ladies approach menopause during forties the female horniness will increase as Nature wants you to output as many babies as possible for successful procreation. However it screws older men as we lose testosterone production. So what happens is a mismatch in sexuality in the forties. If unaware shit happens especially in the modern setting with Tinder & overseas business trips etc. This is just Nature’s way of ensuring the younger stronger males fertilize so that procreation is achieved. Just remember our biological evolution is geared towards reproduction. So marriage being a social construct for social stability is a challenge towards our biology. In many cultures marriage is considered sacred because it tries to control our animalistic lust for a greater good. Mind over matter. It is a Work in progress until the end really.
  #25  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:25 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ibanezjem555 View Post
Agree with Bro.
Men needs that 20 mins of love then all done.. carry on with the day's routine ...
Women need that 20 mins spread out over 16 hours in the day.
Do hug and kiss yr wife n hold her hand.. after all the chionging, mental masturbation and wishful looking.. in the end, there will only be wife left.. the lady who stick with you thick and thin and endured all your rubbish..
You said it exactly as it is, woman need that love all day. That's why we are different and end of day not every woman standby you thru thick and thin and if she does a wise man will treasure her and never let her go cos it would be really hard to find another
  #26  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:28 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by myluckyguy View Post
even when i get bored, i still have to make the effort to keep the relationship going, the cost to replace this when lost is just too high
Wise guy speaking. There might not even be a replacement out there.
  #27  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:30 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigggbird69 View Post
It needs effort from both sides. sometimes can be challenging
If the man initiate, most woman would respond well and reciprocate cos they have that warm feeling that their man still notice and treasure them.
  #28  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:31 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Originally Posted by dazze View Post
Just hope the wife won’t be bored of you first );
Less likely if the woman had married for love.
  #29  
Old 05-10-2020, 09:38 PM
driedlemon3 driedlemon3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigbluebird View Post
You hit the right spot. Complacency is very much alive and present in our society. Singaporeans are very complacent by upbringing and comfort zoning, we cannot stand competition across all levels, that includes work and relationships. Reading up the stories in SBF, how do most affairs come about, it's mainly due to complacency in the other party's partner in failing to keep him/her satisfied and wanted. Why your gf/wife goes around getting screwed by other men, ask yourself, what you have done, is it enough and sufficient. If we strive to get A distinctions in exams, why not do the same in your everyday relationship with gf/wife? In this aspect, we Asians really lose out to ang mor men.
Thanks for sharing not many people have the courage to point out what's lacking in our own commmunity. Not every angmo man are romantic and not every asians are complacent like some bros here do share that they put in their best effort. It pretty much boils down to if the man can see the value of his woman. Is he thankful she sacrifice her body to have his kids? That she share the financial burden? Look after the kids, care and respect his parents? Be there with him thru thick and thin? Some man don't and treated their woman shabbily. They forgot that they have all the opportunities to meet cute gals, their woman also have equal opportunities to meet man who would not hesitate to win her over if the husband is not good to her.
  #30  
Old 05-10-2020, 10:04 PM
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Re: Do you get bored with your wife/gf?

will get bored if you face the same person for a long time
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