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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #61  
Old 04-09-2018, 11:39 PM
I Love Boobs I Love Boobs is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Went dating tonight to expand my social circle....
Loneliness can be biting.
Fucking waste of my time.
30+ professional, over the hill.
Fantastic sense of entitlement.
Then she tells me that she has a bf....
No common topics.
All about accumulation of financial wealth....
And she still owes her former BF $300k for investment in her business and education. She has no intention to repay him....
  #62  
Old 05-09-2018, 01:01 AM
poi123 poi123 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Hi Ts, leopard will not change it spots. Not trying to pour cold water but i believe these words still exist for its reason.

If one day you not able to recall those scene, i will say u have truely forgiven her. Till then it happen, make sure you still have these evidences and safe keep for further use.

Even some parents also betray their kids let alone wife. But of cos those kind of parents are only a handful.

Next you should do its to get out of this thread and this forum to avoid reciving more suggestions to distract your will in mending this relationship which you believe.
  #63  
Old 06-09-2018, 12:13 AM
Xia406 Xia406 is offline
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Thumbs up Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammyboyfor View Post
The problem is that finding companionship in a wife is the exception rather than the norm.

Men have to take part of the blame for this because they choose the girl that is the most attractive and the best fuck at the time rather than someone that they could bond with on a more spiritual level.

In order for a marriage to work a wife has to be best friend first and foremost. Sex should be secondary. This is because friendship based upon common interests and value systems will far outlast the sexual part of the relationship.
This advice is worth a pot of gold from the boss.
  #64  
Old 06-09-2018, 12:39 AM
Xia406 Xia406 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigoflashed View Post
I would like to present her side to the story.

She said she felt bored/distracted, and has since professed that she was wrong. Since the incident, while she has been changing passwords etc, I admit that I have given her a very hard time and severely invaded her privacy by following her, trying to install spyware (but failed) and also doubted what she told me by asking her to show me evidence of where and who she is with (pictures etc)

She said that me being like this is causing her pain and is driving her away, and I know that for a fact, she has been more of an escapist all these years.

The guy isn’t even handsome, in fact, I’m way better looking, fit, and only slightly older. She is just a couple of years younger than me. She told me it is a momentary fling and she wanted to end it even before I discovered it.

With all the emotional roller coaster going on, she has asked me for time alone to sort out her thoughts and to reflect. She told me she wants to save the marriage, wants us to go marriage counseling (but only after I keep being warm and cold unpredictably, guess she cannot handle it).

Since that 2nd time when I found the guys number I have not found any other signs of her contacting him, but they are colleagues thus I don’t know about office communication etc.

She does seem like she wants to make amends, putting in effort for our new house, and also trying to reassure me more.

That being said, I just don’t feel she is fully disclosing. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it, and as a result pushing her away.
TS there is a very simple saying, the more you want to hang on to something, the more resistance you will face.

In other words, learn to let go. If you really love her, let her go and find her own happiness, and you try to find yours too.

If she returns in kind, then you will know that she is yours. If she doesn't, that it was never mean to be. I am speaking this because I have my fair share of experiences as well.
  #65  
Old 06-09-2018, 08:05 PM
fallen11 fallen11 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Love Boobs View Post
Went dating tonight to expand my social circle....
Loneliness can be biting.
Fucking waste of my time.
30+ professional, over the hill.
Fantastic sense of entitlement.
Then she tells me that she has a bf....
No common topics.
All about accumulation of financial wealth....
And she still owes her former BF $300k for investment in her business and education. She has no intention to repay him....
thats actually very good.
show u her truthful self from the start.
otherwise who knows u might end up paying your own 300k to know her real pattern
  #66  
Old 07-09-2018, 04:38 AM
Lucifypunk Lucifypunk is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Hey, just to share my own personal experience.
I’ve never been married but I’ve been with a guy who has decided to cheat on me more than 5 times on different occasions.
And yes, I forgave him 5 times. No one approves of our relationship, none of my friends like him because of what he did, only our parents are oblivious to what went on between us.
The first time, not so bad.
But the more it happened, it destroyed every little bit of trust I had. I checked his phone, made sure he told me his passwords, doubted him many times etc
And as usual, he started getting defensive about it, saying that he wants his privacy, he felt I was being crazy and controlling yada yada.

It just wouldn’t be the same again, and I miss that. It hurt me, so bad. That I get nightmares time to time, and I start crying in my sleep.
I sometimes start thinking about it and start having a breakdown.

As a girlfriend, I don’t force any rules on him. In fact, he is allowed to find prostitutes or go for happy massages. I don’t ask for any material items or monies, I don’t demand anything except for honesty, and I don’t throw my temper at him. But what I can’t stand, and I’m sure most girls can’t, is cheating emotionally. It came to a point where he started sleeping over at the 3rd party’s house, meeting her parents etc. It broke me. And it didn’t happen just one time.

If you’re wondering why I forgave him, it was because I really do enjoy the good times with him. I have a big heart. Vulnerable, but full of forgiveness. But we all have our limits.
He woke the fuck up one day when I packed his clothes and left it outside my house. As much as his mistakes hurt me, I didn’t want to continue getting hurt over the same reasons again.

We didn’t see each other for about 5 months, then I decided to let him back into my life again. But all that hurt has built up my tolerance, now that I see myself deserving something more. And he is aware that I ain’t giving any more chances. Just because I was trying to make it perfect for me, I neglected my friends, affected my career, drifted from my family just cuz I stuck by him wherever he went. Now, I made it clear to him if he were to fuck up again, I won’t hesitate to kick him out cuz I’d put my career first and I’ll only share my success with him if by the time I achieve it, he is still next to me. As much as I want to believe that people can change bad habits, I don’t wanna be the one always sacrificing.

Currently we are still together, he sleeps over at my house every night, made sure we say goodnight to each other everyday, he decided to be open with his phone, and after awhile I don’t feel the need to look into it again(maybe once in a few months). He changed, but It won’t go back to how it was, but you can only hope that the bad won’t happen again, cuz there’s always a possibility people will go back to how they were.
I’ve known guys who continuously cheat their whole life, and also men who decide to commit when it’s time to grow the fuck up and focus on a long term relationship.
  #67  
Old 07-09-2018, 09:41 AM
Indigoflashed Indigoflashed is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucifypunk View Post
Hey, just to share my own personal experience.
I’ve never been married but I’ve been with a guy who has decided to cheat on me more than 5 times on different occasions.
And yes, I forgave him 5 times. No one approves of our relationship, none of my friends like him because of what he did, only our parents are oblivious to what went on between us.
The first time, not so bad.
But the more it happened, it destroyed every little bit of trust I had. I checked his phone, made sure he told me his passwords, doubted him many times etc
And as usual, he started getting defensive about it, saying that he wants his privacy, he felt I was being crazy and controlling yada yada.

It just wouldn’t be the same again, and I miss that. It hurt me, so bad. That I get nightmares time to time, and I start crying in my sleep.
I sometimes start thinking about it and start having a breakdown.

As a girlfriend, I don’t force any rules on him. In fact, he is allowed to find prostitutes or go for happy massages. I don’t ask for any material items or monies, I don’t demand anything except for honesty, and I don’t throw my temper at him. But what I can’t stand, and I’m sure most girls can’t, is cheating emotionally. It came to a point where he started sleeping over at the 3rd party’s house, meeting her parents etc. It broke me. And it didn’t happen just one time.

If you’re wondering why I forgave him, it was because I really do enjoy the good times with him. I have a big heart. Vulnerable, but full of forgiveness. But we all have our limits.
He woke the fuck up one day when I packed his clothes and left it outside my house. As much as his mistakes hurt me, I didn’t want to continue getting hurt over the same reasons again.

We didn’t see each other for about 5 months, then I decided to let him back into my life again. But all that hurt has built up my tolerance, now that I see myself deserving something more. And he is aware that I ain’t giving any more chances. Just because I was trying to make it perfect for me, I neglected my friends, affected my career, drifted from my family just cuz I stuck by him wherever he went. Now, I made it clear to him if he were to fuck up again, I won’t hesitate to kick him out cuz I’d put my career first and I’ll only share my success with him if by the time I achieve it, he is still next to me. As much as I want to believe that people can change bad habits, I don’t wanna be the one always sacrificing.

Currently we are still together, he sleeps over at my house every night, made sure we say goodnight to each other everyday, he decided to be open with his phone, and after awhile I don’t feel the need to look into it again(maybe once in a few months). He changed, but It won’t go back to how it was, but you can only hope that the bad won’t happen again, cuz there’s always a possibility people will go back to how they were.
I’ve known guys who continuously cheat their whole life, and also men who decide to commit when it’s time to grow the fuck up and focus on a long term relationship.
Wtf 5 times???? You certainly have a big heart Sis
  #68  
Old 07-09-2018, 09:41 AM
Indigoflashed Indigoflashed is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xia406 View Post
TS there is a very simple saying, the more you want to hang on to something, the more resistance you will face.

In other words, learn to let go. If you really love her, let her go and find her own happiness, and you try to find yours too.

If she returns in kind, then you will know that she is yours. If she doesn't, that it was never mean to be. I am speaking this because I have my fair share of experiences as well.
Thank you. This is very true. I will focus on myself going forward instead of her and if she is meant to be mine she will be
  #69  
Old 11-09-2018, 11:29 AM
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LoveAffair LoveAffair is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Been there done that.

I’m 30. Already have kids. Taking care alone. I been thru far worst than u. If u need somebody to talk. To drink. To chill do let me know. Sometimes talking out with someone who has the same plight or worst than u helps.

I may still be recovering after so many years. But I garauntee u that time heals. It’s been 4-5 years and I’m still healing.

The reason I’m still single is not that I’m ugly. But I have lost faith in marriage. Or any kind of relationships. I focus my life on my kids daily and spent as much quality time with them as possible. It all happens only during honeymoon period where is the sweetest and then it’s gone forever.

Talk to me. Let me help u. U can pm me.
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  #70  
Old 12-09-2018, 01:20 PM
jameschong1 jameschong1 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

[QUOTE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadow_warrior View Post
I know a woman who has divorced from her husband based on husband's infidelity but what the husband didn't know through the process is while he was fucking another woman(single lady), his wife was also fucking someone husband. So the poor fucker is paying alimony even though his wife was cheating too. Imagine the difference in the outcome if he had known her dark deeds too.
the poor fucker wear green hat while the woman wear the burger king crown
i nvr marry because i m ugly or poor.
too many choices, dun know who to marry
  #71  
Old 13-09-2018, 12:55 AM
apppioneer apppioneer is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveAffair View Post
Been there done that.

I’m 30. Already have kids. Taking care alone. I been thru far worst than u. If u need somebody to talk. To drink. To chill do let me know. Sometimes talking out with someone who has the same plight or worst than u helps.

I may still be recovering after so many years. But I garauntee u that time heals. It’s been 4-5 years and I’m still healing.

The reason I’m still single is not that I’m ugly. But I have lost faith in marriage. Or any kind of relationships. I focus my life on my kids daily and spent as much quality time with them as possible. It all happens only during honeymoon period where is the sweetest and then it’s gone forever.

Talk to me. Let me help u. U can pm me.
i read your old thread about love affair.

i just went thru terrible xp last year and false relationship lasted for a yr.

I wanna understand. How did you get thru with your life after 5 years? Did anyone help you get back to your feet to continue living? Are your kids your motivation to continue fighting?
  #72  
Old 13-09-2018, 02:50 AM
JJwoosh JJwoosh is offline
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Re: Betrayed

We men can be so emo at times. It’s so logical yet illogical. Realized from most stories, logical thing to do is to walk away. But here we are thinking of how best to keep things. When giving advice, we are all so clear but when shit happens, we are equally if not more confused.
  #73  
Old 13-09-2018, 12:29 PM
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0541774 0541774 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucifypunk View Post
If you’re wondering why I forgave him, it was because I really do enjoy the good times with him.
What did he do to make u enjoy the good times?
  #74  
Old 15-09-2018, 03:06 AM
Lucifypunk Lucifypunk is offline
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Lucifypunk deserves a Tiger! - He's a Good Guy
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0541774 View Post
What did he do to make u enjoy the good times?
The times we spend together is something that we don’t get from anyone else. There’s nothing specific that he has done. He did make sure I get the idea that he wants to wife me (having joint accounts, getting with my fam etc) but the only thing I really want is him to become a better version of himself.
I don’t ask for money, I don’t demand him to report to me every hour and I don’t restrict him from hanging out with anyone at all.

I know how most guys(not all) like freshness in their sex lives once in awhile, but sex is nothing until feelings get involved. And for some reason my bf gets emotionally attached to whoever he decides to play with. That’s only thing I wish would change.

To be able to be a honest and loyal person, will change a lot of aspects of your life.
  #75  
Old 16-09-2018, 11:30 AM
shamechong1 shamechong1 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Very well said Boss

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammyboyfor View Post
The problem is that finding companionship in a wife is the exception rather than the norm.

Men have to take part of the blame for this because they choose the girl that is the most attractive and the best fuck at the time rather than someone that they could bond with on a more spiritual level.

In order for a marriage to work a wife has to be best friend first and foremost. Sex should be secondary. This is because friendship based upon common interests and value systems will far outlast the sexual part of the relationship.
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