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  #10696  
Old 08-07-2019, 07:25 PM
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bigbirdbird bigbirdbird is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

A Woman on the Bus


A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles.

A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells her, "I love a woman that does aerobics."

The woman replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!"

The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, "Then how did you get your leg up so high?"
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  #10697  
Old 08-07-2019, 07:28 PM
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bigbirdbird bigbirdbird is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Penis Tax

The only thing I.R.S. has not taxed is the penis.

This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it's hanging around unemployed. 20% of the time it's pissed off, 30% of the time it's hard up, 10% of the time it's in the hole. On top of all this, it has two dependants, And they are both nuts.

Accordingly, starting July 1, 2019, penises will be taxed according to size.

To determine the category, Please consult the chart below And confirm this information with page 2, Section 7, line 3, of the standard 1040p form:
10 to 12 inches ~ Luxury Tax $50.00
8 to 10 inches ~ Pole Tax $ 30.00
6 to 8 inches ~ Privilege Tax $ 15.00
4 to 6 inches ~ Nuisance Tax $ 5.00

PLEASE NOTE: Under under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.

PLEASE DO NOT REQUEST AN EXTENSION

Males exceeding 12 inches must file Capital Gain.

Issues still under consideration are as follows:
Are there penalties for early withdrawal?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
Are condoms deductible as work clothes?


Sincerely,

Nicole Cheeks
Pecker Checker, Internal Revenue Service
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  #10698  
Old 08-07-2019, 08:42 PM
SeppMaier SeppMaier is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
A Woman on the Bus


A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles.

A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells her, "I love a woman that does aerobics."

The woman replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!"

The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, "Then how did you get your leg up so high?"
LMAO thanks for sharing
  #10699  
Old 08-07-2019, 09:06 PM
yellowbone yellowbone is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricane88 View Post
*Virginity Test*

*Son* : Dad,I want to marry, how can I know if my wife is a virgin?

*Dad* : Do virginity test..

*Son* : What do you mean?

*Dad* : Buy a red and blue paint

*Son* : How can that help?

*Dad* : Paint your left ball with the blue paint,and your right ball with the red paint,when you want to have sex,remove your underwear;
If she says , *"I've never seen strange balls like these in my life, that means she's not a Virgin.. Case closed*
😁😅😂🤣
good way to test!!
  #10700  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:50 AM
lobangkingz lobangkingz is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricane88 View Post
*Virginity Test*

*Son* : Dad,I want to marry, how can I know if my wife is a virgin?

*Dad* : Do virginity test..

*Son* : What do you mean?

*Dad* : Buy a red and blue paint

*Son* : How can that help?

*Dad* : Paint your left ball with the blue paint,and your right ball with the red paint,when you want to have sex,remove your underwear;
If she says , *"I've never seen strange balls like these in my life, that means she's not a Virgin.. Case closed*
😁😅😂🤣
hahaha, love this joke. it's very funny.
  #10701  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:52 AM
loyang222 loyang222 is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

These jokes really can make my day "Happier"
  #10702  
Old 09-07-2019, 03:57 PM
memphisprints memphisprints is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by StrongBrew View Post
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Read it thrice and finally I got it, hahhaa
  #10703  
Old 09-07-2019, 05:45 PM
Orange22 Orange22 is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by memphisprints View Post
Read it thrice and finally I got it, hahhaa
Better late than never hahaa
  #10704  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:25 PM
Renxi Renxi is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
A Woman on the Bus


A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles.

A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells her, "I love a woman that does aerobics."

The woman replies angrily, "I don't DO aerobics!"

The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, "Then how did you get your leg up so high?"
Hahaha good one bro, thanks
  #10705  
Old 10-07-2019, 02:52 PM
otamay's Avatar
otamay otamay is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricane88 View Post
*Virginity Test*

*Son* : Dad,I want to marry, how can I know if my wife is a virgin?

*Dad* : Do virginity test..

*Son* : What do you mean?

*Dad* : Buy a red and blue paint

*Son* : How can that help?

*Dad* : Paint your left ball with the blue paint,and your right ball with the red paint,when you want to have sex,remove your underwear;
If she says , *"I've never seen strange balls like these in my life, that means she's not a Virgin.. Case closed*
😁😅😂🤣
Interesting test here, haha.
  #10706  
Old 11-07-2019, 05:43 AM
Hurricane88's Avatar
Hurricane88 Hurricane88 is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

🔵 A touching love story...*

*WIFE:*
What would you do if i died?
Would you get married again?

*Husband:*
No...how can I think of marrying?

*Wife:*
Why not?
You would need company...for good and bad moments.... please marry
again

*Husband:*
...you are so sweet.... even after death u r worrying about me...

*Wife:*
So promise me, u will remarry if I die...

*Husband:*
Ok, ok, I will get married again...just for you

*Wife:*
Would you live in our house with your
new wife...?

*Husband:*
Yes, but I will never let her use your room.

*Wife:*
Would you let her drive my car ?

*Husband:*
no...
its yours... I will keep it as your memory... and buy her a new one..

*Wife:*
Would you give her my jewelery?

*Husband:*
No...how can I...? It has your memories attached
... I am sure she would want her own.

*Wife:*
Would she wear my shoes..?

*Husband:*
No, never
... her size is '7', and yours is 9

*Wife:*
--silence-

*Husband:*
Ohh Shiiit...!!!

*Husband's funeral is tomorrow, please attend....*
😂
😂😂😂😂
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  #10707  
Old 11-07-2019, 01:12 PM
serieA serieA is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricane88 View Post
🔵 A touching love story...*

*WIFE:*
What would you do if i died?
Would you get married again?

*Husband:*
No...how can I think of marrying?

*Wife:*
Why not?
You would need company...for good and bad moments.... please marry
again

*Husband:*
...you are so sweet.... even after death u r worrying about me...

*Wife:*
So promise me, u will remarry if I die...

*Husband:*
Ok, ok, I will get married again...just for you

*Wife:*
Would you live in our house with your
new wife...?

*Husband:*
Yes, but I will never let her use your room.

*Wife:*
Would you let her drive my car ?

*Husband:*
no...
its yours... I will keep it as your memory... and buy her a new one..

*Wife:*
Would you give her my jewelery?

*Husband:*
No...how can I...? It has your memories attached
... I am sure she would want her own.

*Wife:*
Would she wear my shoes..?

*Husband:*
No, never
... her size is '7', and yours is 9

*Wife:*
--silence-

*Husband:*
Ohh Shiiit...!!!

*Husband's funeral is tomorrow, please attend....*
😂
😂😂😂😂
Very funny jokes and thanks.
  #10708  
Old 11-07-2019, 01:18 PM
masterschamp masterschamp is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
Penis Tax

The only thing I.R.S. has not taxed is the penis.

This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it's hanging around unemployed. 20% of the time it's pissed off, 30% of the time it's hard up, 10% of the time it's in the hole. On top of all this, it has two dependants, And they are both nuts.

Accordingly, starting July 1, 2019, penises will be taxed according to size.

To determine the category, Please consult the chart below And confirm this information with page 2, Section 7, line 3, of the standard 1040p form:
10 to 12 inches ~ Luxury Tax $50.00
8 to 10 inches ~ Pole Tax $ 30.00
6 to 8 inches ~ Privilege Tax $ 15.00
4 to 6 inches ~ Nuisance Tax $ 5.00
Interesting nice funny jokes.
Hope to read more.
  #10709  
Old 11-07-2019, 01:26 PM
bozzo bozzo is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hurricane88 View Post
🔵 A touching love story...*

*WIFE:*
What would you do if i died?
Would you get married again?

*Husband:*
No...how can I think of marrying?

*Wife:*
Why not?
You would need company...for good and bad moments.... please marry
again

*Husband:*
...you are so sweet.... even after death u r worrying about me...

*Wife:*
So promise me, u will remarry if I die...

*Husband:*
Ok, ok, I will get married again...just for you

*Wife:*
Would you live in our house with your
new wife...?

*Husband:*
Yes, but I will never let her use your room.

*Wife:*
Would you let her drive my car ?

*Husband:*
no...
its yours... I will keep it as your memory... and buy her a new one..

*Wife:*
Would you give her my jewelery?

*Husband:*
No...how can I...? It has your memories attached
... I am sure she would want her own.

*Wife:*
Would she wear my shoes..?

*Husband:*
No, never
... her size is '7', and yours is 9

*Wife:*
--silence-

*Husband:*
Ohh Shiiit...!!!

*Husband's funeral is tomorrow, please attend....*
😂
😂😂😂😂
LMFAO, thanks so much bro.
  #10710  
Old 11-07-2019, 01:36 PM
AmpEnergy AmpEnergy is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
Penis Tax

The only thing I.R.S. has not taxed is the penis.
Very good joke, thanks bro!
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